Dear God What The Fvck Have I Become Part Of or "Online Mums"

[JLv3.0]

Fucking fucking hell - although I am deliriously happy to be a parent, JJ is a little superstar and his mum is a champion, is there LITERALLY ANYTHING MORE AWFUL than the combination of a fucking mother and an internet connection?!!

Let me add context. I've installed the baby seat in V's (remainder of first name redacted) car before I fly back home tomorrow. This is my first time with ISOFIX and it's a very satisfying system, but the base does slide side to side a little. Just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong, or have missed a locking mechanism or something, I did what I always do when I'm not sure about something - safe in the knowledge that I'm not the first person to ask the question, I looked it up online.

........and was IMMEDIATELY submerged into a world of hand-wringing, stupidity, incompetence, entitlement and whatever is the word that assumes the rest of the world is automatically interested in the experiences and opinions of the criminally bland and dull.

The question posed was exactly as per mine - namely, does ISOFIX allow a little lateral movement or am I doing it wrong?

In no particular order:

"My son is nearly 2, his seat has ISOFIX!"

"Seriously don't you know how it works, do you want your baby to DIE?!!"

"Oh I don't know, the little man at Halfords installed it for me"

"ISOFIX is much better than using the seatbelt"

"hey hun not sure but better to get it checked out babes xxooxx"

"I don't know, I've never used it"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!

If I turn into A Parent, I'm going to kill myself.

[GG.]

This is my first time with ISOFIX and it's a very satisfying system, but the base does slide side to side a little. Just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong, or have missed a locking mechanism or something,

I'm sure you've probably already worked this out for yourself by now but if it still moves a little side to side you need to rock it side to side even further until you've pushed it one further click in. This obviously jams it against the seat back hard enough that it will leave an indelible impression in the leather of your seat rendering your car worthless, but at least baby JL will not then die in a ball of fire.

HTH.

Why the fuck didn't you just ask us first?

ETA - child seats damaging your car seat is definitely one of the irritating aspects of being a dad (and being OCD about cars). The belt affixed one in the 911 has marked both the rear seat back and also a small part of the leather of the headlining where the clips that tighten the belt in place have rubbed on it when installing/removing. Grrr

[NotoriousREV]

If you don't put it that extra click in, your newborn will literally explode in a ball of fire.

[GG.]

I think we should be careful what we advise JL though to be honest. Making sure it was all the way in was how he got into this situation in the first place.

[ZedLeg]

[JLv3.0]

Oh God this place is so much better than most

[NotoriousREV]

Oh God this place is so much better than most

That's a depressing thought.

[V8Granite]

Never ever ever ever ever mention how your seatbelted seat is more secure than Isofix in YOUR car, the ridiculous comments you get in return will make you weep.

I pull the isofix arms all the way out, click them in, then push back and wiggle side to side till I have it as tight as possible.

Get a seat protector, ours saved the seats after a projectile milk explosion once and once you take the seats out they look untouched, I can’t remember what ones we got though.

Remember, child safety is 100% down to having the newest space docking mega seat. Not the tyres, servicing, driving or installation of aforementioned docking station

Being a parent is fun

Dave

[Mito Man]

I don’t trust those isofix mounts. If I had kids I would use a few of those 500kg ratchet straps to keep them well secured.

[NotoriousREV]

If you're on Twitter, follow Mumsnet Madness. It's brilliant.

[GG.]

Or just search for the Penis Cup thread.

[JLv3.0]

If you're on Twitter, follow Mumsnet Madness. It's brilliant.

Ho. Lee. Fuck.

There has to be a way of only allowing certain people to post online.

[dinny_g]

At least when we leave the EU, we'll be able to revert to the natural home for children when travelling in cars...

Lying across the parcel shelf or sitting slap bang in the middle of the rear seat with an elbow on both front seats, annoying the parents...

[JLv3.0]

push back and wiggle side to side till I have it as tight as possible.

As per GG's post above

[GG.]

push back and wiggle side to side till I have it as tight as possible.

As per GG's post above

Just in case you're tempted after completing fitting of the child seat, you should remember smoking in the car with minors is now illegal

[DaveE]

I've yet to meet a parent who didn't turn into "A Parent" (even if just for a period)

[JLv3.0]

None of my mates have. I have some hope.

edit - I mean none of the dads have. Obviously the mums stop being real people the moment the sprog is crapped out so I just ignore them.

[Simon]

Fucking fucking hell - although I am deliriously happy to be a parent, JJ is a little superstar and his mum is a champion, is there LITERALLY ANYTHING MORE AWFUL than the combination of a fucking mother and an internet connection?!!

Let me add context. I've installed the baby seat in V's (remainder of first name redacted) car before I fly back home tomorrow. This is my first time with ISOFIX and it's a very satisfying system, but the base does slide side to side a little. Just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong, or have missed a locking mechanism or something, I did what I always do when I'm not sure about something - safe in the knowledge that I'm not the first person to ask the question, I looked it up online.

........and was IMMEDIATELY submerged into a world of hand-wringing, stupidity, incompetence, entitlement and whatever is the word that assumes the rest of the world is automatically interested in the experiences and opinions of the criminally bland and dull.

The question posed was exactly as per mine - namely, does ISOFIX allow a little lateral movement or am I doing it wrong?

In no particular order:

"My son is nearly 2, his seat has ISOFIX!"

"Seriously don't you know how it works, do you want your baby to DIE?!!"

"Oh I don't know, the little man at Halfords installed it for me"

"ISOFIX is much better than using the seatbelt"

"hey hun not sure but better to get it checked out babes xxooxx"

"I don't know, I've never used it"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!

If I turn into A Parent, I'm going to kill myself.

Best get it checked out babes, you don't want your DS to die!

[GG.]

Fucking fucking hell - although I am deliriously happy to be a parent, JJ is a little superstar and his mum is a champion, is there LITERALLY ANYTHING MORE AWFUL than the combination of a fucking mother and an internet connection?!!

Let me add context. I've installed the baby seat in V's (remainder of first name redacted) car before I fly back home tomorrow. This is my first time with ISOFIX and it's a very satisfying system, but the base does slide side to side a little. Just to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong, or have missed a locking mechanism or something, I did what I always do when I'm not sure about something - safe in the knowledge that I'm not the first person to ask the question, I looked it up online.

........and was IMMEDIATELY submerged into a world of hand-wringing, stupidity, incompetence, entitlement and whatever is the word that assumes the rest of the world is automatically interested in the experiences and opinions of the criminally bland and dull.

The question posed was exactly as per mine - namely, does ISOFIX allow a little lateral movement or am I doing it wrong?

In no particular order:

"My son is nearly 2, his seat has ISOFIX!"

"Seriously don't you know how it works, do you want your baby to DIE?!!"

"Oh I don't know, the little man at Halfords installed it for me"

"ISOFIX is much better than using the seatbelt"

"hey hun not sure but better to get it checked out babes xxooxx"

"I don't know, I've never used it"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!

If I turn into A Parent, I'm going to kill myself.

Best get it checked out babes, you don't want your DS to die!

If JL doesn't think you're talking about Citroens he's already succumbed.

[JLv3.0]

I have just become aware of AIBU, DH and so on. I seriously have never had to suppress a stronger urge to kill.

I've told V that if she even so much as updates a profile pic to now show JJ, I will beat her and set her on fire. I've fought against this shit for too long to now succumb to it, and it will not happen.