The fry-up of correctness

[mik]

Unfortunately this question is TOO COMPLEX for a standard poll , but following some of the frankly disturbing admissions in the Random thread, we need to understand your individual level of deviance in order that you may be judged by your forum peers, and your personal sky pixie (where applicable).

The term "fry-up" is generic, and it is accepted that you may know and refer to this popular dish by other names, including (but not limited to) Full English Breakfast, Full Irish Breakfast, Full Welsh Breakfast (?), Full Scottish Breakfast, Full American Breakfast, Full Papua New Guinea, Full And Their Money Are Easily Parted, Full up already, All Day Breakfast, Fry Me A River, etc.

Each contributor must copy and paste the text below the line, amending the numbers as they deem approprirate. If I have missed anything from the list then you should add it to your own list (following an appropriate level of whining/bleating).

Note: American viewers may wish to add various sweet shit like maple syrup, pancakes, breakfast wafffles, blueberries and other sweet shizzle. Such items of nonsence & tomfoolery are strictly forbidden.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 2
# scrambled eggs portions = 0
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 3
# sqkware sausages = 1
# link sausages = 1
# Haggis portions = 1
# Black puddings = 1
# White pudding = 0
# potato scones = 0
# hash browns = 2
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 0
# slices of toast on the plate = 0
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 2
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 0
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 2 (small ones)
# portions of beans on the plate = 0
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 1
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 2
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 1.5
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 1

[duncs500]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 0
# scrambled eggs portions = 0
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 3
# sqkware sausages = 0
# link sausages = 3
# Haggis portions = 0
# Black puddings = 2
# White pudding = 0
# potato scones = 0
# hash browns = 3
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 1
# slices of toast on the plate = 0
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 2
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 1
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 2
# portions of beans on the plate = 2
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 0
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 0

I am partial to chips instead of hash browns, but I've gone classic in this instance.

[Ascender]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 1
# scrambled eggs portions = 1
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 2
# sqkware sausages = 1
# link sausages = 1
# Haggis portions = 1
# Black puddings = 1
# White pudding = 0
# potato scones = 1
# hash browns = 2
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 1
# slices of toast on the plate = 0
# slices of triangular cut toast on a separate plate/rack = 4
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 0
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 2 (small ones)
# portions of beans on the plate = 1
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 2
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 1
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 0

[Jobbo]

I think I've had much better full Irish and full Scottish breakfasts over the years than full English. I do love some alternatives like kedgeree from time to time. Also had some amazing chicken, biscuits and white gravy breakfasts in the US. But my entry:

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 2 (subject to variation on the day in favour of scrambled)
# scrambled eggs portions = 2 (subject to variation on the day in favour of fried)
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 2 smoked
# sqkware sausages = 1 (if in Scotland)
# link sausages = 2
# Haggis portions = 1
# Black puddings = 2 (must be Stornoway rather than Bury style)
# White pudding = 1
# potato scones = 1
# hash browns = 1
# potato waffles = 0 (why is this even on the list?!)
# portions of mushrooms = 1
# slices of toast on the plate = 0
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 6 (half slices in triangles, must be warm when served so can be hot buttered)
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 1 or 2
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 0
# portions of beans on the plate = 1
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 6
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 2
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 2

Not that I particularly like them, but tinned tomatoes used to be the alternative to beans.
Also: Oxford sauce is my favourite for breakfast. It's a slightly spicy, slightly thinner brown sauce and is fabulous.

[Jobbo]

And afterwards I look forward to a nice big shit then going back to sleep.

[mik]

And afterwards I look forward to a nice bit shit

On the plate, or in a separate receptacle?

[Sundayjumper]

Where's the kippers ?

[mik]

Where's the kippers ?

"If I have missed anything from the list then you should add it to your own list (following an appropriate level of whining/bleating)".

Your bleating above has been considered sufficient, and you may now add kippers to your own list.

[Sundayjumper]

Nah, I'm currently sulking about your blantant pancakeist stance. Agreed they're not a fry up but your tone was offensive to those of us that are non-breakfast-binary.

Pancakes & maple syrup are a regular weekend treat in this house and I won't hear a bad word against them.

So there.

[Carlos]

Is there anywhere else in the world that uses the term "Link Sausages"

[dinny_g]

# fried eggs = 2
# scrambled eggs portions = 0
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 3
# sqkware sausages = 0
# link sausages = 3 - must be Irish Sausages - proper ones. Not that Richmond muck...
# Haggis portions = 0
# Black puddings = 2
# White pudding = 2
# potato scones = 0
# hash browns = 0
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 0
# slices of toast on the plate = 2
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 2
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 0
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 0 (small ones)
# portions of beans on the plate = 0
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 2
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 0

Followed by a large mug of strong tea - this will re-activate the spices in the sausages and the white pudding.

I'm bloody hungry now...

[Ascender]

You can't have the beans in a separate pot as part of the joy of a fry up is mopping up all the bean sauce and residual gunk with the buttered toast.

[V8Granite]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:


# scrambled duck eggs cooked in butter = 3
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 6
# link sausages = 3 big butchers ones
# small rib eye = 1
# belly of pork, steamed then oven cooked with a salt top = 1

That will do me till the following day.

Dave!

[Jobbo]

And afterwards I look forward to a nice bit shit

On the plate, or in a separate receptacle?

In a separate receptacle, which must be flushable. And located in a different room.

[ZedLeg]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 2
# scrambled eggs portions = 0
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 0
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 4
# sqkware sausages = 2
# link sausages = 2
# Haggis portions = 0
# Black puddings = 2
# White pudding = 0
# potato scones = 2
# hash browns = 0
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 1
# slices of toast on the plate = 2
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 0
# slices of fried bread (plate or rack) = 0
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 0 (small ones)
# portions of beans on the plate = 0
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 0
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 2
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = free pour

[dinny_g]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:


# scrambled duck eggs cooked in butter = 3
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 6
# link sausages = 3 big butchers ones
# small rib eye = 1
# belly of pork, steamed then oven cooked with a salt top = 1

That will do me till the following day.

Dave!

That’s a mixed grill, not a fry-up

[jamcg]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:

# fried eggs = 2
# scrambled eggs portions = 0
# poached eggs = 0
# omlettes = 0
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 3
# back bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 3
# sqkware sausages = 0
# link sausages = 2
# Haggis portions = 0
# Black puddings = 2
# White pudding = 0
# potato scones = 0
# hash browns = 2
# potato waffles = 0
# portions of mushrooms = 1- fried baby portabello please
# slices of toast on the plate = 0
# slices of toast on a separate plate/rack = 2
# slices of fried bread (plate) = 2, preferably made with the crust
# uncooked tomatoes = 0
# fried/roasted tomatoes = 0
# portions of beans on the plate = 1
# portions of beans in a separate recepticle = 0
# portions of alphabetti spaghetti (on plate or in a separate recepticle) = 0
# portions of bubble & squeak = 1
# veggie/vegan items mimicking meat-based elements = 0
# portions of minced vegans/vegetarians = 0
# portions of butter = 2
# marmalade portions = 0
# jam portions = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of tomato sauce = 0
# portion/blob/sachet of brown sauce = 0

[V8Granite]

The CORRECT contents of a fry-up are:


# scrambled duck eggs cooked in butter = 3
# streaky bacon rashers (smoked or unsmoked) = 6
# link sausages = 3 big butchers ones
# small rib eye = 1
# belly of pork, steamed then oven cooked with a salt top = 1

That will do me till the following day.

Dave!

That’s a mixed grill, not a fry-up

It’s all fried in butter for breakfast, therefore it’s a fry up.

If Vegan pish is allowed, I’m having my steak.

If it was a mixed grill, there would be lamb.

This country is going to the dogs !! A revolution is needed!!

Dave!

[ZedLeg]

I would point out that no one as yet has picked the vegan option

[mik]

I would point out that no one as yet has picked the vegan option

Or the minced vegans/veggies