Dear God What The Fvck Have I Become Part Of or "Online Mums"

[GG.]

I've told V that if she even so much as updates a profile pic to now show JJ, I will beat her and set her on fire.

Best wait till she's back in your neck of the woods. Standard MO for disobediant wives in the UAE but I hear the Germans get a bit touchy about it.

[JLv3.0]

Good catch mate - well noted.

[nuttinnew]

There's yt fame and $$$ in this for you JL;

The Impregnator: Judgement Day.
The Impregnator, a Psychodyne Systems Room 101, is an impregnating machine with a powerful motorcycle exoskeleton and an external layer of living tissue that makes it appear human. Originally used to ensnare humans in Mumsnet's evil web, it's now reprogrammed to help mankind with utterances such as "I will come on your back" and "take off your clothes, wear boots, have a menstrual cycle". Etc etc.

That's the basic idea, I'll leave it you to flesh out.

[dinny_g]

[Swervin_Mervin]

I have just become aware of AIBU, DH and so on. I seriously have never had to suppress a stronger urge to kill.

I've told V that if she even so much as updates a profile pic to now show JJ, I will beat her and set her on fire. I've fought against this shit for too long to now succumb to it, and it will not happen.

Your list of things that annoy the fvcking life out of you about parents will grow infinitely now you are one.

You might find yourself succumbing to the stupidity every now and again, and that's ok. You just have to use that moment to give yourself a mental slap (or physical, whatever works for you).

[tim]

This thread delivers.

[GG.]

This thread delivers.

I think that happened last week

[JLv3.0]

Sunday actually. Still trying to shrug off the visuals.

[Jobbo]

Did you miss the advice about staying at the head end? Or does she have a massive VJJ?

[GG.]

I'm having flashbacks. You don't forget the word episiotomy in a hurry - let's just say that.

[Swervin_Mervin]

Never had any visuals as our was a Caesarian. It's not the sort of thing that bothers me anyway. I saw enough splatter on floor though. What I found uncomfortable was the sheer amount of wrestling they had to do to prise our DS out of there!

[GG.]

our DS

It's started. This place is now officially mumsnet but with less hostility.

[GG.]

Did you miss the advice about staying at the head end?

Again... this was how he ended up in this situation

[JLv3.0]

Did you miss the advice about staying at the head end? Or does she have a massive VJJ?

I didn't miss the advice mate but there's only a certain amount you can stare into the distance especially when you hear the kid crying

And yes, of course it's massive. How else do you think I managed to fit my colossal penis into it?

edit - stare, not stay. Also I was on pushing-down-on-right-knee duty! I don't really want to go into more details than that

[Mito Man]

What I found uncomfortable was the sheer amount of wrestling they had to do to prise our DS out of there!

Yeah I had a sore head for about a week

[JLv3.0]

space docking

I knew there was something bothering me about this phrase and I now remember what it was.

This can't be unclicked

[McSwede]

space docking

I knew there was something bothering me about this phrase and I now remember what it was.

This can't be unclicked

Thanks. Never heard of that and now will never forget.

[Rich B]

Welcome to the world of parenting - loads of new stuff to learn about, but ultimately no matter what you decide for anything, you are still DIW.

With isofix, click it in, then fairly aggressively wrench it left and right to ratchet each arm right in tight. I have a folded blanket under it to protect my leather.

[duncs500]

space docking

I knew there was something bothering me about this phrase and I now remember what it was.

This can't be unclicked

Thanks. Never heard of that and now will never forget.

I object to that! I see no reason why it must be a man doing the shitting, we've really got to stop oppressing women guys.

[Foz]

Fuck isofix