OV9

Thanks all, yeah I hear you with regards to making time for myself at some point. Nothing else for it but to give it time.

Condolences Mark.

Sorry to hear that SD, condolences to you and your family.

Sorry to hear your bad news SD. Thoughts with you and the family!

Condolences Mark. Take solace in the fact he didn’t suffer and now rests in peace.

Sad to hear that Mark - I hadn't realised it was so sudden. I haven't lost either of my parents yet (nor even any of my numerous ex-stepmothers) but I don't want to see them getting old and incapable as my grandmother did last year. Not sure losing them this way is better. Hope you're OK.

Compared to the slow degradation of my gran years ago, on balance it is better this way (just). He never knew about it, was over in an instant according to the attending (off-duty) paramedics at the scene moments later. It’s a clean break at least, and we can arrange and plan with certainty for the future for my mum, because we know things will be needed, rather than wondering when.

Condolences SD. Hope things soon get back on an even keel for you and your family.

Condolences SD. Best wishes to you and family.

Sorry for your loss Mark. Hope you and your family come through it all ok.

That is beyond shitty, sorry for your loss Mark.

Nothing much more to add but it is good to talk about it.

ShockDiamonds wrote: ↑Sat Apr 28, 2018 4:03 pm Compared to the slow degradation of my gran years ago, on balance it is better this way (just). He never knew about it, was over in an instant according to the attending (off-duty) paramedics at the scene moments later. It’s a clean break at least, and we can arrange and plan with certainty for the future for my mum, because we know things will be needed, rather than wondering when.

There is a certain calm that comes with that - I'd been worrying about looking after my father as he headed into his 70s, but him having a stroke at the harbourside and never waking up from it did rather moot that concern. Sounds cold, but I won't pretend it's not true.

It will be a busy time, though - just do one thing at a time (funeral arrangements, account closers where necessary etc) don't overly rush anything and never be afraid to ask for help - most places (DVLA, bank accounts, insurance, etc) are pretty understanding when it comes to bereavements and in my recent experience, often have specific people or depts to help deal with it (DVLA bereavements are excellent for fasttracking changes to paperwork, for example).

And as JL said, don't be surprised if you suddenly feel crappy or a bit odd in a few days once the reality proper sets in - funeral arrangements and all that. That's perfectly normal and you're quite entitled to have a bit of a sob if needs be

Edit: Oh, and condolences of course.

So sorry to hear of your loss, Mark. I am fortunate to have not had to go through this yet. All the best to you and your family.

Thanks again all. It’s all normal to be thinking like this of course, but nevertheless it’s good to read similar thoughts from others. Driving home today and my sister is taking over (she’s been ill herself this week, fine now tho) then back next weekend. Cheers

Sincere condolences to you and your family.

David_Yu wrote: ↑Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:28 am Condolences Mark. I often think dying suddenly and unexpectedly is more merciful than, say, after a long protracted, painful and hopeless illness, but it does rob one of that crucial element of being able to say goodbye.
Thankfully nobody else got hurt, as you said.

This very much so. After losing both parents before I was 40 I can agree that the quick departure is a bit easier to deal with. My Dad went away for a business meeting when I was 15 and never came back (huge heart attack that nobody could predict) - he was 49. My mum battled cancer for 7 years as it slowly ate away at her killing her off slowly. That was heartbreaking (to say the least) but we had time to say our goodbyes and get prepared for the inevitable.

DeskJockey wrote: ↑Sat Apr 28, 2018 9:30 am Very sorry to hear that. I lost my mum four years and a week ago. In my experience it takes time for it all to surface. You'll grieve in your own way, so the only advice I'll offer is to make sure you make time for yourself. Don't load yourself up with every possible task and job.

Strange that I am still feeling (& dealing with) the repercussions of my dads death 30 years later. Don't be afraid to talk about anything with someone you choose - time can and does heal the pain but some things are made easier through counselling etc. Exactly as DJ says people grieve differently but take your time and make time for yourself.

Take care.

Dave

Cheers Dave, appreciated.

Sorry for your loss. Regardless whether a family member passes quickly or from an extended illness it’s not the easiest thing to deal with. Please don’t fall into the trap that “real men don’t cry”. If you feel it needs to be out, let it out, holding in and trying to “stay strong” isn’t a long term strategy for coping- it just chews you up inside and does horrendous things to your mental health. You are coping well now but just remember- it’s ok to not to be ok, and grief counselling is out there if needed

Condolences Mark. Take care of yourself and your family.

Condolences....not been through it yet so can’t even begin to imagine.