Mental Health

[JLv3.0]

Yep same here, especially in a claims role that I only have about 10 years experience in and a Masters-level qualification on the subject of

[ZedLeg]

There is no such thing as normal, we're all on a scale somewhere. I class myself as a functioning anxious, I can fixate on small things, I quickly get down if several things go wrong in close proximity but I feel I recognise those early and can snap myself out of it most of the time. I'd also use the imposter syndrome to describe my working life, I'm surrounded by very talented people at work so it's very easy to suddenly feel out of my depth on a daily basis.

I think this is as normal as most people get. I think most of us suffer from the imposter syndrome. I'm constantly waiting for the tap on the shoulder from someone who 'knows what they're doing' despite me doing this well for nearly 25 years!

The problem with using the word normal is that it implies that others are not normal and that can be harmful to people who are already in a very negative place.

There's been lots of stuff in this thread that I can identify with, especially the social isolation. Obviously my move wasn't very far but it was apparently far enough that my fairly busy day to day social life dropped to basically nothing. I've struggled to fill that void over the last couple of years and having a lot more time on my own to dwell on why I'm a bit shit and deserve to be on my own hasn't been very good for me.

[JLv3.0]

Am I correct in remembering a time you spending 500 quid a month on booze for your mates when they came over to yours? To go from that to being on your tod is hectic.

[ZedLeg]

Yeah I liked to keep a well stocked fridge.

It’s as much my fault as anyone else’s, as soon as it took some effort or organisation to hang out I just stopped, then I started to feel guilty about not seeing anyone so stopped talking to anyone. It didn’t take long for me to end up mostly on my own.

Most of the people I know here were either mates with my missus before we moved or people we’ve met through those people so I don’t really see them as my mates.

Now that I’ve actually started talking to people and explaining what’s been happening they’ve been mostly awesome and that just makes me feel like more of a dumbass .

[Mike1215]

Am I correct in remembering a time you spending 500 quid a month on booze for your mates .....

Quiet pint with your mates?

[Gavin]

@Zedleg - re the move, I moved from Edinburgh to London when I met my now wife after knowing her for only a few weeks. As she lived down there and I lived up there it was either that or let what we had fizzle out.

It took my 6 weeks to get a job and she was teaching so doing long days so for weeks I basically only spoke to the cornershop owner when I went out for a bag of crisps or snack and my Mrs when she got home late and tired.

I was then very lucky to get a job with a great bunch of folk and socialised with them but social isolation plus the culture from North to South (or in your case, East to West) can be a big change.

[NotoriousREV]

I’ve always had a small circle of people I describe as friends, then a wider circle of sort-of-friends. Partly because I can’t be bothered with drama, but there’s definitely a part of me that thinks that people don’t want to be my friend or be bothered by me. I don’t expect people in the wider group to really know who I am, despite the fact I’ve probably known them for like 30 years. A bit like imposter syndrome, I guess? This leads people to think I’m a bit stand-offish. Vicious circle, I guess.

I’ve definitely grown apart from some of my older friends. I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. When we get out as a group, we just talk about the stupid things we did as kids and I’m tired of the same old stories, if I’m honest. We do all keep in touch, though and we do that thing that blokes are good at where you can not see someone for 5 years and within 5 minutes it’s as if they’ve never been away.

But I always seem to be able to replace that close circle, although that was very hard in Amsterdam as the Dutch definitely tend towards not being “friends” with colleagues. The friends we did make over there were mainly not Dutch.

Left to my own devices, I could easily end up becoming isolated so having a job and a family is definitely good for me, even when I’m desperately trying to find some alone time

[JLv3.0]

we do that thing that blokes are good at where you can not see someone for 5 years and within 5 minutes it’s as if they’ve never been away.

This is fucking brilliant isn't it - way before the days of social media, one of my mates went travelling around Oz for a year. Got back:

Me to him: "so how was it"
Him "yeah sound"
Me "wanna get pissed and take some pills?"
Him "fuck yeah"

[dinny_g]

but there’s definitely a part of me that thinks that people don’t want to be my friend or be bothered by me.

I can’t for the life of me imagine why!!!

[NotoriousREV]

but there’s definitely a part of me that thinks that people don’t want to be my friend or be bothered by me.

I can’t for the life of me imagine why!!!

Fuck off

[dinny_g]

[Barry]

That's my point yeah, as much as I get fed up and down about stuff I wouldn't call myself anxious or depressed by any real standard, and it's healthy to have some competition in your life I think, it keeps you on your toes.

I used to be very angry about the world in the past, as many here will know from my early internet persona, age and wisdom eventually take over

[evostick]

but there’s definitely a part of me that thinks that people don’t want to be my friend or be bothered by me.

I can’t for the life of me imagine why!!!

Dave's a cunt.

HTH.

[Broccers]

Cheer up you bunch of miseries

I found getting a dog introduces you to many people who normally you'd not speak with - they then become your mates in the pub.

[dinny_g]

A guy I know (good friend of my brothers, been out on the piss with him loads etc but not a ‘mate of mine’ as we’re defining) met people through the local park, dog walking scene.

One of them was the women who arranges the Photo casebook in the Sun. Turns out a lot of the models are the dog owners from the park...

He was “Ron” who “wants his girlfriend to act out scenes from his favourite Pornos and she feels uncomfortable doing it”

[Broccers]

thats quite amusing.

[DeskJockey]

Can recognise the friends issue. Been in the UK 10 years and although we've got lots of good friends, they're all from my wife's childhood. I've not managed to find many.

Best one f*cked off home to Oz and another just stopped communicating. According to his wife he's just very busy. I stopped trying after a year.

Some of you, especially those I've met in person, mean something to me and have at times been a way out of feeling isolated. Someone that knows you to some extent.

I've got a couple of good guys at work, but as we're hundreds of miles apart, it is mostly talking and with upcoming changes (team is being TUPEd, I'm trying to find another role) that may prove to be too much to keep it working.

[unzippy]

Between Norfolkistan and Tassie I think I've picked the slightly less weird place

I'm in Melbourne, in laws are in Tas. That's why we're in Melbourne, close enough but not too close

[V8Granite]

If that one thing in common is babies, i.e. theirs and not mine, they can get fucked

Oh this changes and changes quickly

You end up on playdates, all off to a park etc and then suddenly you notice someone you previously thought was an ok person starts cooing like a fannychops as his kid slipped over.

When you see a different person sees their kid fall over and say “come on, it’s only a little blood, keep playing” it’s like a beacon of joy and you hover over like a cartoon Jesus and then find a play date best friend. You then join in together laughing heartily at everyone else’s wimpy children.

We’ve met some good friends and realised how great life is. You end up watching blokes get further pressed under the thumb, some mums faff like mad and eye roll at their stressful life, money thrown around like water as Tarquin just wont eat non Waitrose chicken (yes this happened) and get home, look at your missus and say, we rock at this.

Or you will produce a fanny, be pussy whipped yourself and slide into the realisation that you simply are a vessel of sperm and your testicles are really hers to control while you operate as bank of Dad.

Something to think about

Dave!

[V8Granite]

Can recognise the friends issue. Been in the UK 10 years and although we've got lots of good friends, they're all from my wife's childhood. I've not managed to find many.

Best one f*cked off home to Oz and another just stopped communicating. According to his wife he's just very busy. I stopped trying after a year.

Some of you, especially those I've met in person, mean something to me and have at times been a way out of feeling isolated. Someone that knows you to some extent.

I've got a couple of good guys at work, but as we're hundreds of miles apart, it is mostly talking and with upcoming changes (team is being TUPEd, I'm trying to find another role) that may prove to be too much to keep it working.

<runs over to Alex to give him a hug>

You are possibly the only person on here I have massively different viewpoints on that I wouldn’t end up burying in the garden aftr a night on the beer

Dave!