2018 - A Year In Review & Plans for 2019

[JLv3.0]

Well - where to begin, apart from confirming what a pile of shit it's all been.

Started in the UK having celebrated the old dear's 70th, then headed back to Dubai to basically see how long it would be in the then-current job before they laid me off. January was so bloody miserable I fecked off to Sri Lanka for a week or so in February to chill out on the beach and give the New Year another go when I got back! (didn't work, obviously - word of advice - don't travel if you're miserable, it's a waste of money).

Anyway the work hammer finally fell in March, which kicked off a three month notice period which was as tedious as they all are. All good, in terms of a nice smooth exit with full end-of-term pay-off etc but still a very sad end to a job that I had loved since 2014, and a good warning sign that the UAE was about to sink into a recession again.

Of course, the real news of that time of the year was in April when the shock-horror of my impending fatherhood was dropped on me by my ex-g/f who was staying with me since say February or so, on her last day in Dubai before moving back to Germany. What a total headfuck and one I took a lot of time to process, but we'll come onto that.

There were some fun aspects of the year, mainly travel-related. I met my parents in Barcelona in June to watch the Moto with the old man and have a long weekend with the old dear and my aunt, that was fun. Back in Dubai for a day then off to Tanzania for a long weekend for my mate's birthday, then back home to hide from the Dubai summer and the fact that I had to at some point man the fuck up and face the reality of the baby thang. Which I neglected to do until August, and killed the time inbetween with a week whale- and dolphin-watching near Durban, then rode a rental GS from Durban to Cape Town. Epic trip.

It was on the evening of my birthday in August when I finally realised I couldn't live with myself if I didn't take the reins in terms of being a dad and this marked a breakthrough for the year. On one long, semi-drunk but lucid Whatsapp chat, I agreed with my ex that she would have the nipper in ze Fatherland but would then move back to Dubai and we would raise our son. Once the decision was made, that was a huge weight off and I could finally have a decision I was sufficiently proud of to break the news to my parents and family, who have been brilliant as ever.

The rest of the year has been fairly nondescript. The summer took a long time to fuck off so I used the time to get my PMP at long last (yeah I know, useless bollocks blah etc), few more trips away (UK, Sri Lanka). Some freelance work landed in my lap in November and that kept me pretty busy right up until I left for Germany on the 26th December. Rough day - spent a good deal of the flight to Munich blubbing like a little bitch and was in no state to drive on landing, so spent the night in an airport hotel, putting off the incredibly awkward reunion.

Which turned out to be nothing of the sort after the first 10 minutes. She's delighted I'm back in the frame as she'd been very lonely and unhappy (why the fuck didn't I come visit more often, I have no idea) and a trip I've been dreading like no other has turned into a very pleasant time so far, especially once my parents turned up and we've made it into a little holiday that we really needed.

So that's about it. Sorry for rambling but it's been a fucking nightmare that, fingers crossed, will be sorted and settled once Joshua (JJ) shows up, I can make sure both he and his mum are happy and I can head home and get ready for them moving back. Swapping the worry and anxiety for a bit of positive action at last - feels good. Even starting to look forward to the little ins and outs of normal life again, which when the shit hits the fan just seem totally irrelevant.

Happy New Year

[Simon]

So, apart from losing your job it's been all good then? New life in the world, back with someone you obviously care about a lot, some time off to have some epic trips, and discovering how supporting your family still are?

[JLv3.0]

That would be an exceptionally reductive way of looking at it, yes - oh, and we're not back together in that sense of the word. Just together enough to tackle this head-on.

[duncs500]

Quite a year JL!

2018 has been an interesting year for me, started in my new job in September 2017 so this is the end of my first full year. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster on the particular project I'm working on, there have been points where it has been great, and points where I've been hacked off and thinking I'll do my bit and then leave. I was talking to another firm a couple of months ago but it wasn't quite what I wanted. In the end, when I look back I have achieved a hell of a lot in the year, I have just been given a new package of work which will be a good string to my bow technically and the job is still allowing me to learn and grow. So I go into the new year fairly optimistic that although it will be a hugely challenging year there's no reason why it shouldn't be a good year, in fact I struggle without the pressure being on so looking forward to getting stuck in again. Commute is pretty sweet, package is good, really mustn't grumble.

It's been a bad year for my wellbeing, the new package of work for me took a long time to be confirmed for various political reasons, but that meant I really didn't have enough of a challenge to keep me interested in the last few months of the year. Turns out boredom is not good for you, too much eating nice lunches and going for post work pints has left me carrying too many pounds and not feeling very good in myself. Something I need to get sorted in 2019 or I soon won't fit in the 7!

The wife and I are still great, and she's done a lot in 2018 to achieve some of her goals so I'm really happy to see her doing that and supporting her where I can.

Been a good year for hols, the extra salary has mostly been burnt up on that. New York in March for the wife's birthday, Amsterdam city break, Dublin city break, Maldives in October. Really enjoyed all the trips really.

Pretty bad year for motoring, the 7 has not been on song for long periods, at least it seems to be sorted now and getting that trackday in December has really given the motoring year a lift from the doldrums to some level of respectability.

All in all, a good year I'd say, but looking forward to starting 2019 on the right foot and having an even better one this year.

I take it we're doing a separate plans for 2019 thread?

[duncs500]

That would be an exceptionally reductive way of looking at it, yes - oh, and we're not back together in that sense of the word. Just together enough to tackle this head-on.

Together enough to have another accidental baby?

[JLv3.0]

I'm disregarding that

I take it we're doing a separate plans for 2019 thread?

Nah let's do it here. Obviously the overarching aim for 2019 is to get the little chap settled and up to speed on, say, Group B rallying, by the end of the year at latest. Nah seriously it's going to take a little playing by ear but hey - such is life. Not sure how the living arrangements will work out but again - there's a Plan A and Plan B in place and they're both OK so fuck all this worrying shit.

Outside of that - just continuing enjoying the same stuff I used to enjoy when I wasn't paralysed with worry, anxiety and depression. Bikes, boat, quad etc. Maybe be a little bit more sociable - or then again, maybe not.

Some form of bike tour epicness at some point, probably kicking off with Tuscany after the Mugello Moto. Let's see.

Oh and I've agreed a price to have the RS4 resprayed following such a good experience this time last year with the Toyota. The Audi is looking quite secondhand these days - the front end is pebbledashed with stone chips, the original paintwork is OK but not quite up to scratch, it's had some very low-quality paintwork since I've had it, and the back end repair from the shunt has made me realise that's what it all needs to look like. Basically it's just too good a car to have it looking scruffy, and as ever there are exactly zero plans to replace it so let's get it looking good

[duncs500]

Nah let's do it here.

As you wish:

As above, diet and excercise for a couple of months to try to get me healthier, drink less. Sustain it for as long as possible.

Not really planning any fancy holidays this year, need to really focus on cutting my spending down and saving some cash. I would like to be in a position to move house again at some point in the next year or two, but if I can't save cash that's not going to happen.

Need to throw myself into work and try to do a good job and exceed project targets, as I feel like the next year could really put me in a strong position in terms of my reputation if I nail it. Going to be really tough, and it will definitely have ups and downs, but hopefully more ups.

I have probably said it a few times before, but I really need to get on with my chartership this year. I will never be in a better environment to do it again, and I feel like it might be the last chance. I have saved a week of holiday that I am planning to sit down and smash a lot of it out, but whether I do that or just sit in my pants watching telly remains to be seen (knowing me).

No firm plans for having a family yet, although we talk about it slightly more seriously than we used to. I blame that on everyone around us firing out kids left right and centre.

Car wise, try to have a fun year with the 7 I guess, a couple of trackdays and trips out. There are bits and bobs I want to do to it, but it's so easy to spend money on it and I really should think carefully about what is actually worth doing and what isn't given that I'm trying to be frugal.

Short version, I really need to just work my arse off this year, but I feel like it should be a good year. I'll probably be burnt out in a couple of months!

[Rich B]

Work - all good, started a new job last month so will see how that pans out. Lots of opportunity, lots of hard work.

Money - I’ve had it easy for a while, but now the reality of paying for nursery, topping up wife’s part time money, paying stuff outstanding on the house, etc is about to kick in. 2019 will be a belt tightener...

Car - I still love the M3, but it may be time to grow up a bit and get something that does a few more mpgs and has back doors... not sure yet.

House - nearly there, lots of bits and pieces to finish. Time is the issue.

Family - my little boy is happy and healthy and has got over all his acid reflux issues he had as a baby, so that is brilliant! He sleeps well, plays well and keeps me and the wife on our toes. All is far better than it was 12 months ago (which was pretty fucking horrible tbh).

2019 - I need to do more mountain biking (i went out last week for the first time since August). I need to finish the house. I need to win some projects at work. I need to keep looking after my little family. Done.

[Marv]

Year started out nicely, with the first two months spent in the Philippines and Japan. Was great to see my family in the Philippines again - 21 years had passed since I was there last. Country has changed, but also stayed the same....as you'd expect! Japan was great, got to drive an R33 Skyline, visit Mt Fuji, Hiroshima and drive a go-kart around the streets of Tokyo. Beautiful country.

After that, it was the harsh reality of returning to work from a year off. I was quite chilled about it to begin with, but then it gradually the grind of work wore me down. Had a good open chat with my boss in July about a role change, which has been dragging on since and is still unresolved. I'm hoping it'll get sorted in the next month, but if it doesn't and carries on until March, then I've decided that I'll quit my job and travel again.

Other highlights were passing my motorcycle test. Have to admit, I bloody love biking...I'm completely hooked. I feel slightly guilty that I'm maybe not as enthusiastic about cars as I used to be, but then I guess bikes are new to me, so it's a whole new avenue of different things to explore. Bought a CB500X in September, which I'm still really happy with.

Went back to Monaco in May, for the historic GP, which was really good again (if not quite as good as the first time round) then a trip across northern England and Scotland in September, in the 968. That was great fun. Had problems keeping up with a certain red car

Health wise, all has been fine, though I don't feel quite as good as I did when I was on my year off, as I've not been regularly doing any long hikes like I was.

As for 2019, it really depends on what happens at work, my gut says nothing will happen on that front, so will have to console myself with more travel

[NotoriousREV]

I started the year by getting a promotion at work and a significant pay hike and more responsibility. This was all part of a plan, between me and my boss, for me to take over his role as he was leaving at the end of November. This didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, I ended up massively stretched for time with too small a team whilst we were stuck in limbo between office moves and not able to recruit as fast as we wanted. In September, the CEO dropped the bombshell that they were bringing in a new guy to replace my boss, who had experience within a group of companies (which we now are). All the reasoning was sound and hard to argue with, but it felt like a kick in the teeth, especially as they’d started looking at the same time they’d given me the promotion. I was more unhappy with that news, than the actual fact I wouldn’t be getting that job. Since the new guy started, I’m essentially back to my old job, but on 30% more money than when I started, so there’s that.

This year was also the year I set myself a couple of goals. I wanted to buy and complete some sort of project. So, at the end of Jan, I bought a GSXR750 from a scrapyard and rebuilt it over the following few months which allowed me to realise goal number 2 of doing a track day.

Goal number 3 was to do something about my fitness levels, so I’m the middle of the year, I did the Couch to 5K thing. I hadn’t run since I was about 14, so it was fucking hard. But I did it, slowly, but I did it. And I didn’t die or injure myself!

These things, although probably minor for a lot of people, were huge breakthroughs for me. You see, I’m actually a lot more laid back than most people here would realise. I tend to go with the flow, and the flow has been very good to me and I’ve always taken the opportunities that got presented to me. But in terms of setting a goal and achieving it? That’s not really me. I have a lot of started but unfinished things in my life, a lot of good intentions and great ideas but I’ve always struggled to see things through. I’m a good reactor, and thrive in the operational stuff at work, but I’ve never been good at putting in good, consistent effort over time to achieve a result. I’m more of an instant gratification kind of guy.

I was also having some other issues, which my promotion threw into sharp relief. You all know how reactive I can be when someone pisses me off on here, well that translates into real life. People in work, other road users, friends and family all get called cunts from time to time. I’m very argumentative and can lose sight of reality for a while, losing entire weekends to argueing on social media with strangers. I’m also a world-class procrastinator. Everyone procrastinates, but for most people it’s really only either big scary things, or boring things that drive people to procrastinate. For me, I procrastinate every single task, all the time. It once took me 4 days to forward an email to someone. I felt guilty, anxious and overwhelmed by the thought of it, which finally made me realise that something was wrong and had been for pretty much my entire life.

Long story short, in November I got a diagnosis of ADHD Primarily Inattentive, which comes with a bunch of co-morbid things such as depression, anxiety and a things called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria which is responsible for me being very reactive to anything I perceive as negative towards me plus a tendency to see negativity where there is none.

It came as a major revelation but also has been quite hard to deal with. You know when someone asks you to describe yourself in 3 or 5 words? Well, for me those descriptors all turn out to be ADHD symptoms. Lazy? ADHD. Sense of humour based on blurting out inappropriate things? ADHD. Love fast cars and bikes? ADHD.

ADHD is basically a handful of things going on in the brain: low dopamine levels (so yes, Evostick, I’m not as happy as most people) and under developed connections between the front and back of the brain. This leads to what they call poor executive functioning so basically impulse control, self care, attention regulation and a bunch of other stuff. One expert put it as “the back of the brain is where you learn, the front of the brain is where you do. People with ADHD know what to do, but can’t do it”.

Another fun symptom is something referred to as time blindness. It basically breaks down to not really having much of a concept of time beyond past - future - present. Most people would make an appointment for 2 weeks in the future and plan ahead for it. ADHD folks will probably either forget the appointment or remember it at the last minute and do a half-assed night-before job of preparing. For me, if I plan a future event, it just means “not now” and it goes out of my head. This applies as much to work as it does to going out with friends. It’s what makes me bad at long projects, along with not regulating my attention.

So, I’m on meds now (basically whizz, it’s like being back in the 90s) and trying to get the right dose and specific med. but for now I’m a lot happier, less anxious, not depressed but still not very productive.

[NotoriousREV]

Work - all good, started a new job last month so will see how that pans out. Lots of opportunity, lots of hard work.

Money - I’ve had it easy for a while, but now the reality of paying for nursery, topping up wife’s part time money, paying stuff outstanding on the house, etc is about to kick in. 2019 will be a belt tightener...

Car - I still love the M3, but it may be time to grow up a bit and get something that does a few more mpgs and has back doors... not sure yet.

House - nearly there, lots of bits and pieces to finish. Time is the issue.

Family - my little boy is happy and healthy and has got over all his acid reflux issues he had as a baby, so that is brilliant! He sleeps well, plays well and keeps me and the wife on our toes. All is far better than it was 12 months ago (which was pretty fucking horrible tbh).

2019 - I need to do more mountain biking (i went out last week for the first time since August). I need to finish the house. I need to win some projects at work. I need to keep looking after my little family. Done.

I get what you’re saying about the car, but do yourself a favour and make sure you still get something you can feel happy with, otherwise it sucks. You’re a car guy, don’t trade that for practicaliy or you just won’t be happy.

[NotoriousREV]

Plans for 2018:

Fix the GSXR again and do more trackdays
Monaco GP is booked
Italian lakes for our summer holiday
Run 10k
Figure out what I want to do when I grow up because I don’t really want to do the job I’ve essentially been doing for the last 15 years anymore.

[Gavin]

My 2018 was brilliant, other than garage bills for Swedish sheds. I found both side of my biological family after 42 years and was welcomed into both families with open arms. I gained three sisters, a Grandad, cousins, Aunts and Uncles.

Only downside was I found out I am half English! I like English people, my darling wife is half English but I never wanted to be an English people myself so that was a bit of a shock but two generations back they were Danes and Welsh so not all bad!

[Rich B]

Work - all good, started a new job last month so will see how that pans out. Lots of opportunity, lots of hard work.

Money - I’ve had it easy for a while, but now the reality of paying for nursery, topping up wife’s part time money, paying stuff outstanding on the house, etc is about to kick in. 2019 will be a belt tightener...

Car - I still love the M3, but it may be time to grow up a bit and get something that does a few more mpgs and has back doors... not sure yet.

House - nearly there, lots of bits and pieces to finish. Time is the issue.

Family - my little boy is happy and healthy and has got over all his acid reflux issues he had as a baby, so that is brilliant! He sleeps well, plays well and keeps me and the wife on our toes. All is far better than it was 12 months ago (which was pretty fucking horrible tbh).

2019 - I need to do more mountain biking (i went out last week for the first time since August). I need to finish the house. I need to win some projects at work. I need to keep looking after my little family. Done.

I get what you’re saying about the car, but do yourself a favour and make sure you still get something you can feel happy with, otherwise it sucks. You’re a car guy, don’t trade that for practicaliy or you just won’t be happy.

that’s the big battle. I have a set of car needs and car desires that don’t match!

[JLv3.0]

I got a diagnosis of ADHD Primarily Inattentive, which comes with a bunch of co-morbid things such as depression, anxiety and a things called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria which is responsible for me being very reactive to anything I perceive as negative towards me plus a tendency to see negativity where there is none.

It came as a major revelation but also has been quite hard to deal with. You know when someone asks you to describe yourself in 3 or 5 words? Well, for me those descriptors all turn out to be ADHD symptoms. Lazy? ADHD. Sense of humour based on blurting out inappropriate things? ADHD. Love fast cars and bikes? ADHD.

Blimey - that all sounds a bit familiar. Noted for future research.

[NotoriousREV]

Work - all good, started a new job last month so will see how that pans out. Lots of opportunity, lots of hard work.

Money - I’ve had it easy for a while, but now the reality of paying for nursery, topping up wife’s part time money, paying stuff outstanding on the house, etc is about to kick in. 2019 will be a belt tightener...

Car - I still love the M3, but it may be time to grow up a bit and get something that does a few more mpgs and has back doors... not sure yet.

House - nearly there, lots of bits and pieces to finish. Time is the issue.

Family - my little boy is happy and healthy and has got over all his acid reflux issues he had as a baby, so that is brilliant! He sleeps well, plays well and keeps me and the wife on our toes. All is far better than it was 12 months ago (which was pretty fucking horrible tbh).

2019 - I need to do more mountain biking (i went out last week for the first time since August). I need to finish the house. I need to win some projects at work. I need to keep looking after my little family. Done.

I get what you’re saying about the car, but do yourself a favour and make sure you still get something you can feel happy with, otherwise it sucks. You’re a car guy, don’t trade that for practicaliy or you just won’t be happy.

that’s the big battle. I have a set of car needs and car desires that don’t match!

They make a 4 door M3

[Barry]

My year was predominantly my first proper full project to manage at work (past few have been taken over from another Lead who's got them up and running), so myself and my Assoc. Lead worked our asses off to get solid structure and working practices into that, and we managed to deliver what I consider a really good product, on time and it got decent reviews considering the constraints we were under. Quite pleased with that I must admit. No big payrise (better than standard mind) but slightly above the usual bonus at year end helped take the pain away. We've been reshuffling structure at the entire Company this year and I've been pre-warned there might be another job coming up in the new year and I'm "expected to apply" so hopefully that's not just lip service. It'll mean moving office and a whole new team but it'll also mean a decent pay increase and more responsibility so there's that..

Personally, I'm doing Pilates once a week to try and fix what is obviously a long standing issue with my posture (and 25yrs in an office doesn't help) - anterior pelvic thrust, or something along those lines, which is putting extra stress on my legs where my core isn't controlling my posture properly, hence back twinges and aches regularly, which in turn puts me off trying to plan anything big as I'm worried it'll flare up and I'll be stuck somewhere. The plan this year is to work harder at that and try to restore some fitness/strength..

Plans - still pondering ideas, would like to head to France or Spain on the bike again but with the potential work changes I'm in two minds about holding off till I have a clearer picture - if I stay where I am I have a project to see through by end of summer (ie busy in summer), if I move it's a whole new project pre-production to get started but potentially less guilt for taking time off in summer.

House - just had the en-suite refurbished and it's hopefully got me in the mood for a refresh on other areas now, certainly a fresh paint/capets in the main living areas.

Car wise, still undecided which direction to take this, and with the potential job upset I'm not rushing into anything -- I might need to get a frugal commuter and I'm looking at EV for that, for instance. Civic is behaving itself at the moment so no pressure.

Bikes - I realised I wasn't using the silly sports bike so I swapped it out for a more fun naked machine, Street TripleR, which is just what the Doctor ordered, its fun without the licence melting pace needed to be so. Ironically, I think it'd still give sports bikes a fright on the right roads.. I might take the hit on the Tracer and upgrade to the GT too, my recent test ride confirms it's a much more stable chassis with the upgrades it has, and a few extra toys to soften the cost blow too. If I can hold out till spring I'll have had the Tracer two years anyway so it got a fair shake.

Overall, it's a stagnant beginning to 2019 and it'll either be more of the same (no bad thing so far) or an upheaval that'll need my attention for the remains of the year. I'd not challenged myself for quite a few years until recently but things are starting to turn around now I'm making more effort, two promotions in the past few years, salary finally getting somewhere respectable and potential for better if I apply myself. The job is still fun even though it carries a lot more stress with it, so I can't complain.

Also, been playing GT Sport on PS4 over the break, unlocked the 'Ring and a couple of tasty motors - I was too busy chasing a 6min time last night and completely missed midnight

[Orange Cola]

2018 has been a bit of bummer but it’s also been an excellent year, I feel as though I’ve not let the bad stuff get to me as much as it would have done if I were younger.

It started out largely well, I had lost my Aunty in the previous summer of 2017 but I didn’t find out until the December of 2018. family “forgot” to tell my dad his twin sister has passed away until he sent her a birthday card and flowers, which were returned with a note saying she’d left us. That was a major kick in the balls for all of us.

The other half had an op in the January and whilst she was off work and full of morphine I jokingly asked if she’d found a mustang to buy yet as I’ve always wanted one, id also talked her round to the idea of one after hiring one in the states in September 2016. Two days later we’d put a deposit down on one, spent some cash on the house and ordered a Focus ST to give us a practical car again. I don’t think I’ll ever spend that much money in a single weekend again.

Valentine’s Day saw the loss of my Nan, a timely conclusion to an illness which set in around new year and thankfully prevented us from loosing her entirely to dementia. We made the most of her being with us for that time and the family needed a break after she passed. The resulting dissolving of the estate turned into a massive headache and family member becoming estranged.

Part way through that lot, in the summer, I lost my other nan. That was the fourth blow to it all. But we had a cracking summer, managed to get the most out of the weather and things were going ok.

Work started getting a bit shit coming into the late summer and we’re now looking at laying people off in the new year. The car spent the autumn in the dealer going two steps forwards and one step back. We got it back just before Christmas. At that point things were looking good again, bar the work situation, when I found out both a work colleague and a neighbour had both passed away just before Christmas Day and their families were obviously devastated.

So that’s five deaths and one family member I’ll probably never see again. All I really want for 2019 is for the Christmas card list to stay the same, I’ll take that.

[Pete_]

Overall 2018 felt like a bit of a wasted year for me. I had hoped to get a new job and move away from Northern Ireland, but neither of those things happened.

In January my job was cut to working four days a week, it was a change which I’d known was coming and I was quite happy about it - the extra day of not working I’d intended to use to apply for other jobs and maybe start some sort of side-project, but procrastination got in the way of doing very much of that (although I did become a director of a small Community Interest Company).

I did a few job applications, one for a job in Amsterdam and one working at Formula E, both of which would have been awesome but neither went anywhere. In August I had an interview for a job at our parent organisation in London, on paper the role looked suitable for me (although not quite what I wanted to be doing) and would have been a good opportunity with almost a 75% pay increase (in part because of moving back to a 5-day week) , the interview went well and I thought I was going to get it, but I didn’t and that left me feeling rather dejected and I haven’t got round to doing any more applications since.

I’m the only person working on my work projects, and I’ve realised that I really need to be working in more of a team environment for me to push myself to perform better. I’ve had basically no professional development this year, and whilst I appreciate that a lot of that isn’t useful in the real world I’m still at the start of my career and without having a team of people working on the same sort of things that I am I feel like I need more structure for me to work out how to do my job better.

My contract ends in March, we expect our project contract to be renewed but it’s public-sector funded and nothing is certain. Not getting the contract renewed might be what I need to shake things up a bit.

I’m thinking now that perhaps I need to focus less on looking for the job I want and instead just move to a new country and let a job sort itself out when I get there… possibly not a great career move but I’m realising that my career isn’t the only thing I need to make me happy.

With working less this year I’ve been trying to spend less, I didn’t go on any proper holidays this year. I ended up saving a good amount of money this year, so need to have more fun next year.

I spent two weeks in Geneva in July at a UN Summer School which was led by my cousin - so that was a great experience and met lots of interesting people.

Took a fairly impulsive five day trip to the Netherlands and Germany in May to spend some time with a Dutch girl I’d met a few weeks before, it was fun but didn’t end up going anywhere after that.

In 2019 I need to do more travelling. The Philippines look nice, I want to spend at least a month there. If that goes ahead I might try to get some tips from you Marv!

I entered a gym for the first time in May. I’ve always been a super skinny skeleton person and realised that it was affecting my self confidence, I’ve been doing weights training regularly since then, my body weight has increased more than 10% in that time and I’m feeling much better because of it, so that’s something I want to keep up next year.

What happens with cars will very much depend of where I end up living, so can't predict what's going to happen with that.

Edit: these things always end up a hell of a lot longer than I'd expected!

[Mito Man]

2018 was interesting, it was the year I should have died. The last week of December 2017 I had my 3 month post chemo scan and it showed the all clear. I started the new year feeling pretty crap though, quickly becoming partially paralysed with double vision. I crashed my car through a neighbours shrub exactly a year ago. 24 hours later I was on steroids in a high dependency unit with frequent scans to check on my brain. Any more fluid build up in my brain would render me a complete vegetable so they would have to drill a hole to relieve the pressure. That was a stressful week in hospital, and my first week of 6 months being accommodated by the NHS as an inpatient.

My prognosis was pretty bleak, if I had been 10 years older or not in good health I would have no cure, such was the toxicity of the high dose chemo they would give me. The consultants thought the brain damage I had already suffered would be permanent and this combined with the fact that the low dose chemo almost killed me 4 months prior put my mind in a pretty dark place. I had a 2 day gap between being transferred between hospitals where I could go back home, except the hospital found me a bed so transferred me right away. If they didn’t I had made plans to end my own life whilst I was still able enough.

So 4 painful months went by, 4 cycles of chemo, 4 cycles of sepsis, 4 months of stress. When you spend that long in a hospital you see other patients you become friends with die, and it fucks with your mind and thoughts. Not to mention the steroids and noises keeping you up, hallucinations from the drugs, peeing every 20 minutes as you’re on a drip delivering 8 litres of fluid per day. On the plus side by Easter my eyesight and motor coordination were almost back to normal.

I had another 3 month break before my next scan so I decided to spend my savings on fixing the Defender. Also did some overdue projects with my dad as my days felt pretty numbered. Had the next scan and it was bad, at this point my only option was salvage therapy with an old fashioned derivative of mustard gas. Another 3 months go by, then a scan which was positive, then another month of being in for a stem cell transplant with more sepsis.

Anyway last week I had my 3 month post transplant scan, it was clear. I think the consultants understood why I didn’t even crack a smile at the news of it though.
Still it’s been a pretty good year. You go through a load of shit and then you have that one good day which makes it all worth it. I guess now every day is a good day for me, even when I’ve just stepped in dog shit and I’m soaked through from the rain because the alternative would be not being here - and I can’t get my head around that thought. Following 2018 life now feels pretty easy going for me, simply because nothing else can come close to being as physically and mentally challenging as that.

As for 2019 it will be a year of rebuilding with some travelling. I’m really tired and need a change of scenery. Beyond that I have no plans.

That was a long ramble from me, I’m tempted to just delete it but I’ll leave it be for now so that I can read through it again whenever I become a self entitled prick again to put me back in my place