How far would you go to help the Police?

[tim]

Buckle up, it's story time...

TLDR: Fucking clowns

It's Wednesday night, just after 10pm. The big cat is purring (oh ffs stopit) along the A143 from Bury St Edmunds, heading home to Harleston. I've joined at the Ixworth roundabout and fairly quickly caught up with an HGV and behind it a 3 year old Audi Q5, with no lights on. At all.

It's dark but not can't see where you're going dark, but past lighting up time anyway. You see these numpties now and again and usually a quick flash or two and they twig. Not this guy. He's right up the chuff of the HGV in front.

So I follow at a respectable distance and I'm starting to wonder what the situation is here. It's getting dark quite quickly now and he's wandering around his lane a bit. Some 14 miles later we arrive at the Stuston roundabout, just before Diss, and although the HGV is still in front he mostly navigates the roundabout by braille. It was at this point I decided I needed to phone this in - we're way past the point of him just not realising his lights are off.

There's a mile to go before the A143/A140 roundabout at Diss, and so I dial 999 and get put through to Norfolk Police control room. I explain what's occurring, give the call handler the reg of the Audi, my reg and details, and she asks if I can follow safely while they organise a unit to intercept.

Home is now 8 miles straight on at the roundabout, it's nearly 10.30pm. The fucker takes the 3rd exit and goes south on the A140. I guess I'm not going home just yet. I'm relaying this to the call handler, she works out where we are and asks me to continue to provide a running commentary of our location so they can co-ordinate. Yes ok, I'll do that. Thinking 5/10 mins or so they'll have someone on us and I can do a u-ey and go home.

He's got nobody in front of him now, and without any street lighting he's all over the place until we catch up to some slower traffic. I'm relaying all this, and we continue down the A140. Units are coming, she thinks from both directions. But now we've crossed the border into Suffolk and they've handed it over to them (Norfolk and Suffolk roads policing are combined so I thought this was odd, but it will become clear why, I think anyway).

Thornham comes and goes, Mendlesham, through the Stonhams and we're getting towards the end of the A140, where your choices are into Needham village, or heaven-forbid onto the A14. She says I can see a unit coming on my tracker, I'm trying to get an ETA, please keep the commentary coming. I tell her we're going to be on the A14 soon and that feels somewhat sketchy. It is now, obviously, pitch dark. I'm 16 miles out of my way and 24 miles from home.

We're now southbound on the A14. He's in the outside lane, overtaking, doing around 80 completely dark. "Units are on their way, thank you for following, can you keep him in sight if possible". I'm so far from home I'm here for the ride now whatever. The Audi has slowed up a bit and I've caught him up, sitting safely back but directly behind, reeling off the junctions and landmarks as we go. We're now at Sproughton just outside Ipswich, into the roadworks and down to 45-50 single file. Finally I'm told, a unit is behind in the roadworks and will make their way past ASAP.

I'm wondering at this point if it's a copper on his push bike, or maybe there's only 1 policeman in all of Suffolk and he was busy doing something else for half hour, such is the time it's taken to get this far. I'm 23 miles out of my way now. These roadworks go on forever. Eventually, we're back into clear running and finally I can see blue lights behind me in the distance. We're past the A12 exit and heading for the Orwell bridge now, which is another set of huge roadworks.

The unit is bearing down, the roadworks are fast approaching. There's now another car between me and the Audi. I decide to get out of the throttle and keep hard left, which should just about give him space to go through before the single-lane. But he doesn't, and drops in behind me, and after a few moments turns off the blues. I can see it's one of those Peugeot's they're using now. Clearly not a traffic unit.

I'm still talking to the control room, she says they know who you are, where the Audi is and will come by as and when. Stay on with me until they've got him stopped. Ok. Fine.

He's off at J57, into Ransomes industrial area, I follow, the cop car is behind me, his blues are on again. Can you guess where this is going?

There's a roundabout coming up, it's got one of those turn left only lanes that's a separate lane from the main roundabout, and there's a barrier between so you can't change your mind once committed. I didn't see this in the dark and watching many things at once and in my attempt at making as much space for matey behind to come past quickly as possible I'm committed, the Audi has gone straight over. I tell the controller this, and that the unit is still right up my chuff and I think he wants me to stop. She says "what?! Hang on I'll try and talk to them". The sirens are on. I'm going to have to stop now and pull in.

The Audi is long gone.

They approach my car, I wind down my window and exclaim "it's not me you're after! He went that way! <points>". The controller is "on my god I'm so sorry". The officer says "oh, err, well we had been given your reg number". It's a pair of bobbies from Stowmarket in a regular patrol car.

The lady on the phone speaks "hello it's Norfolk Police control here, why have you stopped this gentleman?" They fluff something about a comms mixup and she says "thank you so much for all you've done, I'm very very sorry, I will have to go now and leave you with these officers, take care Tim".

Honestly you couldn't make this up. I say to them, I've been following this car giving a running commentary from Diss and I'm now 52 miles from home! They were very apologetic and insisted it was a control room issue. I said didn't they tell you he was driving with no lights on, he was 2 cars in front, and they said yeah we just thought you'd turned them back on. Shook my hand said sorry about 20 more times and said they'd see if they could get him on ANPR and disappeared back into the night.

So I drove just over 60 miles further than I needed to just for the lols, and spent 37 mins talking to a nice lady in the control room. I got home just before midnight. Not sure I'd bother my arse next time. Would you?

[mik]

I think you did (or tried to did) the right thing. Facking frustrating though.

[Swervin_Mervin]

As mik says - you did the right thing. You weren't to know that Hot Fuzz would rock up and bollocks it all up.

[JonMad]

Oh that's an arse.

[DeskJockey]

All of the above.

As for the no lights numpties they're sadly in plenty supply down here.

Good for you for trying to do the right thing, and frustrating being faced by incompetence.

I'm nominating you for an OV9 Gold Star ( @Matty can you please award?) and will mention you in despatches.

[Ascender]

I mean... it was the right thing to do, but honestly, they had one job, how hard can it be for two adults to confirm the reg number of the car they're trying to stop.

[Jobbo]

Blimey, next time I guess you'll say, 'he's turned onto the A140 southbound, I can't keep following him without putting myself at risk - thanks and goodnight'.

Odd that he had the lights off. It's impossible to turn them fully off in my Audi when it's dark; the options are auto lights or headlights on.

[Matty]

Did they not thank you for ..... going the extra mile?

[Matty]

All of the above.

As for the no lights numpties they're sadly in plenty supply down here.

Good for you for trying to do the right thing, and frustrating being faced by incompetence.

I'm nominating you for an OV9 Gold Star ( @Matty can you please award?) and will mention you in despatches.

Wasn't commited enough. Gold Stars are only for those who's dedication extends to chases like this:



Ergo, can only extend this to bronze:

[tim]

Odd that he had the lights off. It's impossible to turn them fully off in my Audi when it's dark; the options are auto lights or headlights on.

I suspect there was a lot more to it than just turn switch in the off position. His indicators worked, weirdly he would indicate to pull out into lane 2 to overtake other traffic. And occasionally flashed his headlights. Very weird experience.

[DeskJockey]

@tim I tried!

Maybe he was the decoy for the lorry, Smokey and the Bandit style!

[Mito Man]

I’d maybe phone it in but wouldn’t bother following a mile let alone 60!
I’ve reported an old know weirdo who we caught on camera repeatedly taking pictures of my neighbours kids to Police and they did nothing aside from paid a visit. I’ve sent video of someone driving a car with a large panoramic sunroof open and kids standing up with most their body out the car and they did nothing. And then there was the cannabis drop where they didn’t care so I don’t think I’ll bother again unless I see someone getting stabbed.

[Jobbo]

Odd that he had the lights off. It's impossible to turn them fully off in my Audi when it's dark; the options are auto lights or headlights on.

I suspect there was a lot more to it than just turn switch in the off position. His indicators worked, weirdly he would indicate to pull out into lane 2 to overtake other traffic. And occasionally flashed his headlights. Very weird experience.

That's what I was thinking - it can't be accidental.

[mr_jon]

To answer the question - I wouldn't have done any of that!

Only time I came across something similar on the m11, smackhead weaving from lane 1 to 3 and back again to block us overtaking, I just sped up and disappeared.

Bless you for the social responsibility though.

[Jimmy Choo]

I encountered similar in Cornwall many years ago. It was daytime but the driver was clearly pissed as a fart. He was banging off the curbs, drifting into the other lane and varying between 10mph and 40mph. I got ExMIL to phone the police, ExWife2 to use google maps to find our location and I focused on avoiding the fuckwit in front of us and describing the driver and his actions.

I didn't go out of my way at all to follow him. I had the kids in the car (Grand Picasso. Not bad, nice vibrating seat) and was more focused on getting home.

[dinny_g]

I just sped up and disappeared.

Dab of oppo???

[Marv]

Oh, I didn't realise that was you behind me Tim, if you would have sent me a PM here, I would have turned the lights on my Q5!

Sounds like you did a nice tour of Suffolk. Those road works around the Orwell bridge are fucking terrible.

I've been doing a decent number of miles recently since returning from my trip, and it does appear that at the moment driving standards are bloody awful around Suffolk.

[Swervin_Mervin]

Oh, I didn't realise that was you behind me Tim, if you would have sent me a PM here, I would have turned the lights on my Q5!

Sounds like you did a nice tour of Suffolk. Those road works around the Orwell bridge are fucking terrible.

I've been doing a decent number of miles recently since returning from my trip, and it does appear that at the moment driving standards are bloody awful around Suffolk.

Was there last month. They're pretty decent, by some margin, compared to up here Marv.

[IanF]

Zero miles out of my way unless there was an extreme danger (not your case imho).

I saw a car on fire on the M3, dad running away carrying his kid as the flames built up. I called 999, told the first responder the location (eastbound between J3&4 of the M3) and carried on.

Do you get a council tax reduction for doing the job they’re employed to do,Tim?

[tim]

I suppose I’ve spent so many years volunteering in road safety based activities I can’t easily just ignore stuff that feels more than just some twat forgetting to turn on their lights.

It was a strange route to take from Bury to Ipswich in the first place.