Mental Health

[V8Granite]

Do you have anything that you referenced when you decided to switch to the diet?

I'm always curious about restrictive diets.

When I first did it I messed up near the end with condiments, I let them cheap in and basically became constipated, after reading up more it was all the sugars. Since keeping them out I go for a small one once a day. Before it was at least 3.

I have my bloods from back in March so will have to put them all together. I’ve done them 2 more times since. I did have a sonogram done and I had no visible fat on my organs that they could see as at the time I thought I maybe had fatty liver disease but it was in great condition.

I should really find more information on the diet as I tend to find 2 or 3 people and stick to them.

Dave!

[V8Granite]

That's terrible advice Dave, misinterpreted stoicism has fucked up successive generations of men.

Being open and honest with your emotions is always better.

Utter rubbish, my kids were balling their eyes out when Flash died, they didn’t need a room full of people crying, they needed someone to comfort them and support them. It doesn’t mean you can’t show emotion, it shows that you can be strong when needed.

When my Grandpa died, it was a huge comfort to have my Dad there being strong. It doesn’t mean he is an emotionless robot.

Dave!

It's fine to be supportive if you're able to, but to tell people who are more emotional that they shouldn't be is wrong. That's where the problem with your other comment was.

I never said not to be emotional at all, I said there is a time and place and being strong for people is a big part of being an adult. If everyone succumb to feelings whenever they manifested themselves then life would be an utter mess.

Dave!

[ZedLeg]

Utter rubbish, my kids were balling their eyes out when Flash died, they didn’t need a room full of people crying, they needed someone to comfort them and support them. It doesn’t mean you can’t show emotion, it shows that you can be strong when needed.

When my Grandpa died, it was a huge comfort to have my Dad there being strong. It doesn’t mean he is an emotionless robot.

Dave!

It's fine to be supportive if you're able to, but to tell people who are more emotional that they shouldn't be is wrong. That's where the problem with your other comment was.

I never said not to be emotional at all, I said there is a time and place and being strong for people is a big part of being an adult. If everyone succumb to feelings whenever they manifested themselves then life would be an utter mess.

Dave!

Being emotional isn't a weakness.

[V8Granite]

It's fine to be supportive if you're able to, but to tell people who are more emotional that they shouldn't be is wrong. That's where the problem with your other comment was.

I never said not to be emotional at all, I said there is a time and place and being strong for people is a big part of being an adult. If everyone succumb to feelings whenever they manifested themselves then life would be an utter mess.

Dave!

Being emotional isn't a weakness.

Being weak is, what is the problem with being able to control your feelings and be strong when needed ?

Maxwell is just experiencing someone trying to bully him at the minute, do you think it’s sensible to get all upset infront of him and react emotionally ?

Or should I console him and help him work it out ?

Dave!

[dinny_g]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree here Dave.

When my father was diagnosed with Cancer, we both cried about it together - he's 17 and idolises his grandfather. Then we talked about it, about the prognosis, about how he was a fighter, caught it early, high recovery rate etc. It finished with him having all the answers he needed to process it correctly (He may have asked if I was painting on a stoic face - he might not. We'll never know) and now has a very open dialog with his grandfather about it. It also showed him that it is OK to show your emotions.

In my humble opinion, seeing his father being comfortable showing emotion sometimes (not all the time) while at the same time, being able manage the very challenging situations that life has thrown at us is going to be very healthy for him in the long run.

[V8Granite]

People need different things and that’s what your lad needed, it’s what Connor would need but definitely not Maxwell. I think being able to control your emotions is a huge skill to have as not only is it practical but it stops you reacting in ways you can’t take back.

Dave!

[Swervin_Mervin]

I can see what Dave is trying to say. Ultimately a bit of mental and emotional resilience is no bad thing, nor is the ability to acknowledge one's emotions. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

[ZedLeg]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree here Dave.

When my father was diagnosed with Cancer, we both cried about it together - he's 17 and idolises his grandfather. Then we talked about it, about the prognosis, about how he was a fighter, caught it early, high recovery rate etc. It finished with him having all the answers he needed to process it correctly (He may have asked if I was painting on a stoic face - he might not. We'll never know) and now has a very open dialog with his grandfather about it. It also showed him that it is OK to show your emotions.

In my humble opinion, seeing his father being comfortable showing emotion sometimes (not all the time) while at the same time, being able manage the very challenging situations that life has thrown at us is going to be very healthy for him in the long run.

Exactly that

I wasn’t able to cry in front of people for years, to the point that when I was at my mum’s funeral I had to go sit in the car before I could cry.

People said at the time it was good that I was strong but it wasn’t strength. I felt ashamed about having to hide my emotions like that for years.

Which is why it’s terrible advice, even if being strong for others if you’re able is a virtue.

[Jobbo]

I agree to a great extent with Dave here. If you go to work and cry all the time, you're not a very useful employee. Being professional and businesslike at work means not making great displays of emotion. That doesn't mean you shouldn't let it out at other times - not feeling able to cry at a funeral is terribly sad. But there are times in life where it's not appropriate to show your emotions.

[ZedLeg]

I'd agree that there are situations that it's not appropriate to be very emotional but even in situations like folk who burst into tears in work meetings etc it can be a sign that there's more going on with the person.

I have a problem with the whole "man up" idea of being strong, as I said yesterday misinterpreting stoicism really did a number on men.

[dinny_g]

The discussion has shifted somewhat from the initial point - no-one's talking about crying at work or not being strong for family, children etc.

I have an emotional reaction to certain things which, traditionally would be a female reaction. And traditionally Men would be expected to suppress. We live in a world where this could be an issue so rather than ignore it, I'm going to delve into it a little more to try to understand it.

You can be strong and emotional, you can never ever shed a tear under any circumstances and have tip top mental health, you can cry in the eve of leading an Army into battle and you can be a rock 99.9% of the time and then utterly fall apart when you're really needed. One size never fits all.

We do now understand that if something doesn't feel right then don't ignore it (or, in old money, don't "Man Up") so I'm not going to.

[John]

I have an emotional reaction to certain things which, traditionally would be a female reaction.

It's Marley & Me isn't it.

[dinny_g]

Oh yeah, that’s a trigger for sure…

[ZedLeg]

If you don’t cry at Rocky movies you have a heart of stone

[Holley]

I don't think there's one best way as it's dependant on the situation.

When we found out that our daughter has a heart condition (she was there with us), we choose to remain calm and collected in front of her. This was because she didn't know what to make of it and was looking at our reaction to judge what she should be feeling. So I didn't wish to 'add' or 'project' my own feelings on to her. I didn't want to make it about 'me' and how I felt. I wanted to be there for her and allow her to express her thoughts and feelings about it.

But if a stranger yells at me and I feel it's unwarranted, I have no problem projecting my feelings towards that person .

[nuttinnew]

After Dave! said "I disagree" he went on to agree; a shared train of thought derailed by the bus replacement service of language.

[GG.]

a shared train of thought derailed by the bus replacement service of language.

I like that.

[GG.]

I agree to a great extent with Dave here. If you go to work and cry all the time, you're not a very useful employee. Being professional and businesslike at work means not making great displays of emotion. That doesn't mean you shouldn't let it out at other times - not feeling able to cry at a funeral is terribly sad. But there are times in life where it's not appropriate to show your emotions.

This is very true. I'm quite an emotional person (giving the euology at my father in law's funeral earlier this year was very, very difficult - harder in fact than my own grandad's the year before) but there is a huge benefit to being able to control your emotions and handle high levels of stress, pressure and anxiety or even just not let on what's going on in your head - in most jobs its a quality highly correlative with success. It doesn't mean that it doesn't leak out in other ways though, or that you should suppress things when you don't have to but its more of a strength to be deployed when needed (which is I think what many people in this thread are driving at).

There is a danger people throw the baby out with the bathwater in saying that this is all 'toxic masculinity' and not controlling your emotions is always an inherently positive thing become of some psychoanalytical stuff that it therefore means you're free and open and not repressed, when actually it can just mean you're falling off the rails.

[Gavster]

Damn my mental health is poop today Was glad to get through November as I always get a seasonal low mood, especially around my birthday. Now it feels like I'd simply been holding everything in and today it's all decided to come out

Anyway, the fact it's coming out is a good thing, kinda like an emotional purge.

[Jimmy Choo]

Damn my mental health is poop today Was glad to get through November as I always get a seasonal low mood, especially around my birthday. Now it feels like I'd simply been holding everything in and today it's all decided to come out

Anyway, the fact it's coming out is a good thing, kinda like an emotional purge.

Are you having emotional diarrhea?

I used to just not process stuff at all and stick it in a box and ignore it. I work hard to not do that any more but I can understand how rough an unboxing can be.