OV9

I've been struggling for a wee while. My anxiety has been running rampant and I've not been dealing with it well.

Got dangerously close to fucking my life up this time (not for the first time) before I actually told anyone what was happening.

I think I'm past the worst of it now, I went to the doctor and they gave me medication and a referral to talk to someone about maybe doing CBT or something like that. I'm also talking to friends again, which I hadn't been doing for months.

The brain really is a scumbag though, it's like it doesn't realise that if I burn my life down it has to come with me through the wreckage .

Sounds like you've started to take the right steps to help yourself. Good luck with it, it's a cunt.

Keep going one day at a time.

I'm coming out of a batch of anxiety at the moment. Apparently, people with Graves Disease are twice as likely to have anxiety or depression that the general population. Citalopran and CBT have been very helpful for me.

I always thought going through crap like this would be easier after the first go-around, as you recognise the symptoms and should, in theory, confront it sooner. However that's utter bollocks in reality, isn't it. Good luck with the recovery.

I've just been given Propanolol to help with the physical symptoms (also my blood pressure was sky high when they took it because going to the doctor stresses me out ).

Next step is trying to fix the damage I've done to myself physically over the last couple of months. I've put on 2 stone and started smoking again so that's going to be fun.

I feel like a total dumbass because I hadn't spoken to anyone, I'd convinced myself that no one would be interested. I had a bit of a breakdown about a month ago and loads of people have been around asking why I never said anything sooner.

Currently undergoing CBT for my depression... I feel your pain.

Key thing for me was to stop lying to myself and using terms like "I'm just a bit down" and justifying to myself that the way I was feeling was OK, based on what was going on in my life when it clearly wasn't.

I also started to talk about things to mates and whatnot which I've found to be a bit mixed. Everyone's understanding but not everyone is as patient as we need them to be. I've had "All you need to do is decide what you need to be happy, make a plan to achieve it and stick to the plan"

With hindsight, there's a few I'd have left out of telling...

Yeah - only discuss it with mates who've been through similar, otherwise you're in for a round of "come on mate, cheer up, it ain't all that bad", "fancy going for a pint", "how can you be down, you have xyz going for you" or the evergreen "snap out of it mate". None of which fix fuck all (although drinking is fun).

Aye, I very publicly did something pretty stupid on my birthday so I had to fess up to a fair few folk.

I quickly cut the cheer up mate types from the conversation though.

Fortunately, I've got some pretty good folk around me as well. I'd probably still be circling the drain if I hadn't had them to help me back on to my feet.

In all honesty, nearly everyone has been brilliant...

Even Make a Plan guy knows that if it was that easy, we wouldn't have depression so he's learning and trying to understand too. His missus just gets it all so they've been very helpful.

Other than that, I'm doing the simple practical things - diet, exercise and little totems around the place - for those familiar with De Bono, I've a small yellow Hat on my docking station. I also sat at a beach on Jan 2nd this year and made a list of what I'm going to do. I then noticed a Tungsten Ring in among the rocks - which is now on my key-ring where it will stay until I've done what I've set out to do. A reminder every day before I leave for work, every day when I get home etc.

Good luck to everyone going through this. It fucking sucks but it gets better, once you get the right treatment.

You didn't mention your sleep situation, and just throwing in my twopenneth - for me, sleep was the linchpin of the whole problem. Stress and anxiety was stopping me sleeping, and the total lack of sleep was causing near permanent panic attacks, rinse and repeat. Temazipam and Zopiclone were pretty useless (knockout for a couple of hours, but no restful sleep). Melatonin was what finally got the sleep routine manageable again.

As an aside, I didn't get a whole load out of the CBT itself. Talking to someone was in itself a positive, as it forced me to structure my own narrative in a way that sounded vaguely sane to a medical professional, but I found the "programme" itself pretty patronising and simplistic (possibly down to the fact that I'm fairly logical and structured anyway). You might find it different, but that was my experience.

Also, just to say, you're fairly local to me IIRC. Drop me a PM if you fancy coming out to play spanners or just a natter.

Yeah sleep has always been an issue for me but my pattern has been all over the place recently.

Last night for example. Crashed at about 10.30, got up again when my missus got home from work at about 12.45, ended up sitting up until about 4 then went back to bed until 7 when I got up for work.

It’s not always that bad but I rarely sleep more than a couple of hours at a time. I’m hoping that now that I’ve knocked the drinking on it’s head for a while and starting to exercise again I’ll sleep more regularly. Back to a whole 6 hours at a time .

Thanks for the offer, we were in the same area iirc but I moved through to Glasgow a few years ago.

I'm a recently qualified "Mental health first aider" as named. I realised long ago that everyone is dealing with their own issues so when WB offered the course quite a few of us volunteered. It's only a small step into simply being there for anyone having a shit time and hopefully being able to talk and point them in the direction of whatever help we can offer but if we can be of some use..

Too many people suffer in silence over this, we need to change that.

That said I don't want you mentals ringing me at all hours..

NotoriousREV wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:11 pm Good luck to everyone going through this. It fucking sucks but it gets better, once you get the right treatment.

^^ what Dave said.

I did wonder for a moment, why you're all taking up learning to ride a motorcycle to help get you through

Can't offer any wise words on the subject, but I hope you find a good, sustainable way through it.

Barry wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 5:53 pm I'm a recently qualified "Mental health first aider" as named. I realised long ago that everyone is dealing with their own issues so when WB offered the course quite a few of us volunteered. It's only a small step into simply being there for anyone having a shit time and hopefully being able to talk and point them in the direction of whatever help we can offer but if we can be of some use..

Too many people suffer in silence over this, we need to change that.

That said I don't want you mentals ringing me at all hours..

I have Barry’s number if anyone needs it. It’s good to talk.

Marv wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 7:10 pm

NotoriousREV wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 12:11 pm Good luck to everyone going through this. It fucking sucks but it gets better, once you get the right treatment.

^^ what Dave said.

I did wonder for a moment, why you're all taking up learning to ride a motorcycle to help get you through

I definitely have a better day on the days I ride.

I’m at my happiest on my own in the mountains...

Maybe that isn’t a good thing...

dinny_g wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2019 8:31 pm I’m at my happiest on my own in the mountains...

Maybe that isn’t a good thing...

Out of interest, how hairy are you?

I crisp and minty... like a lozenge mate...