Mental Health

[RobYob]

I’m out of practice of making friends.

Yep, seven years after moving to the UK and I've added one person to my contacts who isn't work related and he was through school.

After several decades of thinking I was just socially hopeless I'm coming around to the idea that the people I enjoy hanging out with; car nerds, gaming nerds, book nerds, are just as hopeless as me in kicking social stuff off.

Once the idea has any sort of momentum it's easy as, people agree on places, everyone turns up on time has fun and agrees to so it again soon. I then think I'm some sort of pariah for six months before tentatively suggesting another meet up which everyone heartily agrees to, why'd it have to be me again, FFS.

Best of luck with resocialising on the other side of the world.

Between Norfolkistan and Tassie I think I've picked the slightly less weird place

[JLv3.0]

Another thing I've noticed recently is as people get older, getting them to break out of their routines to meet up is virtually impossible (I'm just as bad for this).

As I can see my friend circle reduce, I've been in touch with some people from back in the day that I used to knock around with - great to be back in touch, plenty of enthusiastic promises to meet up and then nothing ever happens.

And I'm just as guilty - I just forget anything that isn't in my normal routine.

[Jobbo]

I'm lucky in that my best mate here doesn't have a home country to return to, as such (brought up here and lived in Canada, without any interest to move back) and whatever-I-call-my-other-half is happy to live here, so I won't be dragged away any time soon.

Does your other half have a social life in Dubai? If so, great, but if not there's a risk that she'll feel lonely and want to move away - which takes your baby away.

[JLv3.0]

This was a real concern, I must admit. And all respect to her - she also knew this could be an issue and rather than just lean on her friends from living here previously, she's really made an effort to go out and meet new people and within just a few weeks, has made just enough new friends to always have something to do or someone to meet. I really do take my hat off to her.

If there ever comes a time when she's not happy here, we will think of a Plan B. This setup only works if it works for everyone. For example, she'll not be here in the summer months as it's just too hot for her to be able to do anything, so we'll work that out at the time. I really don't have an issue in spending some time here working and then time back in Germany / UK / other really nice places until it cools down later in the year.

I will miss them both though when I'm here and they're not!

[Nefarious]

Given the last few posts, I thought I'd benchmark my own social activity. Based on estimates to time spend on pure social stuff (rather than shared activities such as working on the cars etc), I reckon about 50% of such meets are with people I've properly known for less than five years, 25% with those I've known for between five and 10 years, and 25% with those I've known for longer.
I guess practical factors are at play, given that I moved to Scotland just over 15 years ago.

[Gavin]

This was a real concern, I must admit. And all respect to her - she also knew this could be an issue and rather than just lean on her friends from living here previously, she's really made an effort to go out and meet new people and within just a few weeks, has made just enough new friends to always have something to do or someone to meet. I really do take my hat off to her.

If there ever comes a time when she's not happy here, we will think of a Plan B. This setup only works if it works for everyone. For example, she'll not be here in the summer months as it's just too hot for her to be able to do anything, so we'll work that out at the time. I really don't have an issue in spending some time here working and then time back in Germany / UK / other really nice places until it cools down later in the year.

I will miss them both though when I'm here and they're not!

I found offspring gives one an entire large circle of friends who you have at least one thing in common. Life moves on, the folks I went drinking with in my early twenties are, for the most part, now married with kids and doing their own thing, life moves on and if you are lucky and not a TAUC you make new Friends along the way.

[JLv3.0]

If that one thing in common is babies, i.e. theirs and not mine, they can get fucked

[Gavin]

If that one thing in common is babies, i.e. theirs and not mine, they can get fucked

You are like the forum cuddle fluffy teddy bear JL! x

[JLv3.0]

Indeed I am

I've probably said it before but the arrival of Mini Me seems to have people believe I care about THEIR babies as well.

"I'm talking my baby to have his checkups today!"

"So?"

[Gavin]

Indeed I am

I've probably said it before but the arrival of Mini Me seems to have people believe I care about THEIR babies as well.

"I'm talking my baby to have his checkups today!"

"So?"

Well I know where you are coming from, Most people's crotch droppings are of no interest to me!

[Mike1215]

Yep, seven years after moving to the UK and I've added one person to my contacts who isn't work related

[Rich B]

Indeed I am

I've probably said it before but the arrival of Mini Me seems to have people believe I care about THEIR babies as well.

"I'm talking my baby to have his checkups today!"

"So?"

Well I know where you are coming from, Most people's crotch droppings are of no interest to me!

Perhaps they’re mentioning it to spark a conversation about your kids too?

Better than assuming your interested in football...

[JLv3.0]

My interested in football what?

This was from a good friend of mine; I'm not that rude to well-intentioned strangers!!

[Rich B]

My interested in football what?

How rude, after I ignored your interesting typo:

“"I'm talking my baby to have his checkups today!"

[JLv3.0]

FUCK

[Rich B]

[Gwaredd]

Can I just thank everyone for their honesty in this thread. My daughter (15) is/has benn suffering at the moment, and reading through this has given me a much better understanding of how to approach the subject(s) with her, and understand it.

As a non-mental, it's been helpful, so cheers, & good thoughts to all going through a shit time. X

[JLv3.0]

As a non-mental

Yeah right like you can get non-mental gingers

[Barry]

As a non-mental

Yeah right like you can get non-mental gingers

There is no such thing as normal, we're all on a scale somewhere. I class myself as a functioning anxious, I can fixate on small things, I quickly get down if several things go wrong in close proximity but I feel I recognise those early and can snap myself out of it most of the time. I'd also use the imposter syndrome to describe my working life, I'm surrounded by very talented people at work so it's very easy to suddenly feel out of my depth on a daily basis.

My mental health training was as much about helping myself as being there for my team members..

[Gwaredd]

There is no such thing as normal, we're all on a scale somewhere. I class myself as a functioning anxious, I can fixate on small things, I quickly get down if several things go wrong in close proximity but I feel I recognise those early and can snap myself out of it most of the time. I'd also use the imposter syndrome to describe my working life, I'm surrounded by very talented people at work so it's very easy to suddenly feel out of my depth on a daily basis.

I think this is as normal as most people get. I think most of us suffer from the imposter syndrome. I'm constantly waiting for the tap on the shoulder from someone who 'knows what they're doing' despite me doing this well for nearly 25 years!