Elderly parent 'assistance' button help please

[Simon]

Dad collapsed yesterday evening. Mum found him unresponsive in the bathroom, phoned my brother (whose wife rang 999) and he and I rushed up to be with them. I'm not going to go into details, but in the end we got him to the hospital and witnessed him further collapsing in the waiting room. Full on 'emergency button, crash cart' event. I was terrified.

On the way up the NHS/ambulance were phoning back my sis-in-law as they needed further details for the ambulance crew, and they couldn't reach Mum (who is very slow on her feet, as detailed elsewhere on here). This is a gaping hole in our defence of them. In the end I managed to reach their neighbours on the phone who went round and assisted till we arrived.

My great aunt had one of those phones with a big red button on it, along with an accompanying thing she wore around her neck. If ever she needed help she hit the button and it auto-dialled and ambulance. This isn't the right solution for my parents - neither of them would entertain it, but we do need a better way to be in contact with them or for them to get help from us than a portable phone that Mum can't get to in time before BT Answer kicks in. Neither of them is attached to their mobile phones like us young'uns are.

Any suggestions?

[Mito Man]

Hope he’s on the mend now.

Apple Watch will automatically call 999 if it detects a fall but will need an E sim so it still works if he’s out and doesn’t have an iPhone on him. I think you only need an iPhone to set it up initially but then can use it independently of any phone.
You can then also track them using the watch.

Cons - needs to be charged every night.

[DeskJockey]

Sorry to hear that. Can't offer any advice on the emergency button.

[mik]

Not the best way to spend your weekend.

Relatives who have had panic alarms got them via the NHS, so first port of call may be GP?

A local mobility-aid type shop might be able to provide advice?

Or online?

Something like
https://www.yourstride.com/
or
https://www.careline.co.uk/
(no personal experience of these)

[jamcg]

Could you get Amazon Alexa’s, add them to your own account and use the “drop in” feature so you don’t need them to answer? Could even get the ones that have a camera and use the video function. This would also allow you to use it via your phones when out and about

[jamcg]

Just to add another benefit- if they fall and can’t reach the phone they can just shout Alexa to call you

[Mito Man]

If you collapse as in faint you're not pressing a button or shouting Alexa.

[Johnny]

I think I can help here (first post, so please be gentle).

I looked into this for my parents as they’ve had falls over the past few years. Problem with smart watches is battery life. You don’t want the watch on charge and for parents to take a fall - I’d recommend 24/7 monitoring with a quick charge.

A belt clip is also available if they don’t want to wear a pendent around their neck.

I purchased these for my parents a few years ago and they’ve been brilliant: https://personalalarms.org/products/suresafego-family-2

Battery lasts a week comfortably and charges quickly. Also has an SOS button that can be pressed if they need assistance outside of a fall - built in speaker and mic allows them to speak to pre-programmed responders. GPS tracking is useful should they require assistance outside of the home. Shower proof is also very handy as that’s where my mum slipped on one occasion.

These units can be monitored (via a call centre) or can be programmed to call family / friends directly (unlimited contacts). I have a cheap SIM with limited data & unlimited texts / voice - it’s more cost effective v monitored option. Just make sure you have the SIM number programmed as a favourite if your put your phone on do not disturb. Check with Personal Alarms as not all SIMs work. If I recall correctly Vodafone & EE are OK, but they don’t work on the 3 network. Can’t remember if ok or not on O2.

One point to note - it’s recommended that the devices are turned off and then back on every 3wks or so or it drops the GPS location accuracy - this should be done outside of the home. This is particularly true if your parents don’t venture out much - the GPS location becomes “stuck” on the home address.

Other products which may help: https://personalalarms.org/

I hope this has been useful and you find what you’re looking for as it’s very unnerving when parents take a fall.

[Johnny]

Belt clips also available for these if your parents don’t want to wear as a pendant.

[mik]

I think I can help here (first post, so please be gentle).

It was an informative 1st post. Feel free (on some other thread obvs) to share a bit more about your cars - info/pics/(crosses fingers) e-start videos etc etc etc

[IanF]

@Johnny 5 years nearly.. Dude! That's some serious stalking! Welcome to the forum.. don't feed Beany after dark.

BOT, what long term member Johnny suggests sounds like it's worth exploring.. hope you find something that helps

[DaveE]

@Simon I'm really sorry to hear what happened, and know how upsetting it can be

I've had a couple of relatives in this position (upwards of a two hour drive away) and have tried these buttons

IME they were pointless because "Oh I'm fine dear!" and/or they just get forgotten about, run out of charge, don't get worn/carried etc

Usually, falling is something that happens relatively rarely, and complacency and the natural sense that we're OK gets in the way (plus a good dose of denial too I think)

There's also the false positives too...

e.g. my Aunt accidentally pressed hers, then forgot. Didn't answer the phone etc. The alarm company contacted us, we tried to contact her and again she didn't answer. So the Police were called. Whose shouts through the letterbox she also ignored.

Police ended up breaking down the front door, at which point my Aunt was totally overwhelmed and confused. Police called ambulance. Ambulance took to hospital called social services, and they decided she was no longer capable of living on her own etc

Thus began the slippery slope of carers, care homes etc and her rapid decline...

Obviously this is a very sad, isolated, personal experience, but beyond that series of events, the main point, I'm not sure how much value they (emergency buttons, devices etc) have.

I think the sad truth is, there's no real, reliable, foolproof way to monitor an older relative...

[Johnny]

Intro’ed myself via a new post.

The points raised by @DaveE are very valid. My mum used to trigger regular false positives. As did my elderly neighbour for whom I was first contact as her family didn’t live nearby. Being woken up in the middle of the night isn’t pleasant, but I’d rather be woken up by a false positive than not at all. Of course DaveE’s aunts experience puts an entirely different lens on it.

One way I got around my parents triggering false positives was to install indoor CCTV to check on them if they didn’t answer the return pendent, home or mobile call (Tapo Pan/Tilt Smart Security Camera is a brilliant bit of kit). But entirely understand not all parents will want CCTV watching them.

[Simon]

Thanks all who posted here, including Johnny (welcome!) - I'm not ignoring your suggestions, I'm just incredibly busy ATM with a couple of things.

I think the button thingy gets close to what I was thinking about - whilst I still have both of them it's not so much about monitoring them, but rather about simpler communication if something bad does happen to one of them. Thinking back to Saturday, Mum phone my brother first when she should've been phoning the ambulance on the house phone. Then when they tried to call back to speak to her there was no answer. I need to do something to close that communication gap.

[Ascender]

Sorry to hear this @Simon, can't imagine how distressing and upsetting that must have been.

@Johnny - Thanks for the info, that's really helpful as we're close to needing this sort of thing too for folks. Sounds like the way to go, thanks.

I do think about buying my folks Apple Watches as the fall detection works brilliantly, but then they have to remember to charge them overnight and of course, actually wear them...

[Johnny]

Just noticed this product from Personal Alarms. If, like my mother-in-law, anyone is not keen on a pendent, this watch appears to have the same functionality (and more) as the pendant I referenced earlier.

The battery life is decent (v Apple / Samsung watches) and unlike the pendent has a handy companion app.

https://personalalarms.org/products/sur ... plusfamily