Best Angry Neighbour Letter
Posted: Mon Aug 21, 2023 8:36 am
This has to be up there as one of the best written angry neighbour letters ever written.
I'm not sure if he's done it as a joke or just got over excited with a Jane Austin period thesaurus. I've met him several times and he isn't well spoken and not the type you'd expect to write something like this. Imagine a brick layer suddenly playing Beethoven on a piano, you get the idea.
Some context first, we live in one of 6 barns arranged in a horseshoe lay-out. This neighbour is opposite us but not adjoined. He currently rents this from our next door neighbour. I'm not the one that parks outside his residence or has a noisy V8 (unfortunately), but he did want his letter to be received by all residents.
Anyway, get a cup of tea and enjoy...
Dear Neighbours,
I trust this message reaches you with due consideration. It has been over five years since my family, and I have taken residence at the Old Weighbridge. While certain interactions with our neighbouring inhabitants have left much to be desired – intermittent snide remarks, unwarranted disruptions at our doorstep, and other trivial matters – it is time to address a more significant and recurrent concern that directly impacts our well-being, privacy, and personal security, prominently involving one neighbour.
Our foremost challenge as a family pertains to an egregious disregard for our privacy, compounded by a careless attitude towards our health and safety. It is unfortunate that this issue is chiefly propagated by a fellow resident in proximity. Our daily lives are constantly marred by instances where our access points are obstructed and vehicles are recklessly stationed adjacent to our windows, complete with occupants audaciously prying into our living space. The cacophonous din emanating from these vehicles further disrupts our daily routines, intruding upon us whether we are engrossed in work indoors, seeking leisure, or attempting to exit our premises.
The windows adorning the Old Weighbridge are ostensibly designed as top-opening sashes, serving as wholly inadequate provisions for emergency evacuations. Even at my most svelte, squeezing through these apertures remains a near-impossible feat. This circumstance leaves us with a solitary recourse: our doors, destined to serve as our lifeline in the event of a fire or other life-threatening emergencies. It is unfortunate that such a crucial point appears to elude one of our neighbours, along with a handful of others, who persist in their audacious belief that impeding these exits daily is not only acceptable but their prerogative.
I am inclined to remind each of you that the sleepers adorning the barn's perimeter are a mere illusion of our property's boundary. The parking of vehicles alongside these sleepers amounts to encroachment upon our privacy. In situations warranting swift evacuation due to a fire outbreak, the advised course of action is a hasty exit from the premises, putting as much distance between oneself and the hazard as possible. It begs the question whether this task becomes any easier when confronted with the obstruction of an exit by a vehicle. I challenge all of you to contemplate this hypothetical situation, placing yourselves squarely in our shoes – would you tolerate such a perilous hindrance at your own doors?
Recent developments, specifically communication from my landlord on August 16, 2023, have apprised me of having inadvertently caused consternation to a neighbour. The crux of this dispute, I've come to understand, revolves around the repositioning of our waste bins. Allow me to elucidate my stance on this matter: my apathy toward the discomfort my actions may have caused is palpable, and I must admit a certain degree of satisfaction in evoking a reaction from this neighbour. By the conclusion of this discourse, I trust she will have gained a modicum of insight into the effects of her actions on her neighbours.
It is evident that her perturbation stems from the inconvenient dimensions of her car, rendering it incompatible with the confines at her property's back gate. Consequently, she seeks to appropriate space from the barn, conveniently situated adjacent to our bedroom. Equally vexing is her discontent with the current placement of our waste bins, which thwarts her ability to reverse along the barn's full length while maintaining her car's alloy wheels in dangerously close proximity to the sleepers. The resulting raucous symphony, evocative of a V8 engine in full throttle, intrudes upon the tranquillity of our once-hushed chambers. Rather than confronting these personal predicaments head-on, she has chosen the path of portraying herself as a victim.
To this neighbour, I pose a hypothetical scenario: Were I to replicate your recurrent manoeuvres – driving and reversing my vehicle in close proximity to your dwelling, repeated several times a day – how would you react? Would you possess an unwavering confidence in my ability to halt in time should your child emerge from one of the entrances to the barn? It has come to my attention that your young child was observed playing close to the sleepers last week. While you likely advise your child to avoid the road, we, in a comparable situation, would have no choice but to instruct ours to "play in the road, as our neighbour is yet to return home." You presently exploit land for which my wife and I have diligently paid, infringing upon our privacy and imperilling the safety of my family, yet you have the audacity to express discontent over our response.
In the interim, I shall adhere to the pragmatic philosophy that has guided me throughout my years – the unwavering focus on my own affairs. I hold faith that, collectively, we can reach a resolution that upholds the principles of mutual respect, ensuring each of us the space, security, and tranquillity we are entitled to enjoy.
Yours firmly,
Graham
I'm not sure if he's done it as a joke or just got over excited with a Jane Austin period thesaurus. I've met him several times and he isn't well spoken and not the type you'd expect to write something like this. Imagine a brick layer suddenly playing Beethoven on a piano, you get the idea.
Some context first, we live in one of 6 barns arranged in a horseshoe lay-out. This neighbour is opposite us but not adjoined. He currently rents this from our next door neighbour. I'm not the one that parks outside his residence or has a noisy V8 (unfortunately), but he did want his letter to be received by all residents.
Anyway, get a cup of tea and enjoy...
Dear Neighbours,
I trust this message reaches you with due consideration. It has been over five years since my family, and I have taken residence at the Old Weighbridge. While certain interactions with our neighbouring inhabitants have left much to be desired – intermittent snide remarks, unwarranted disruptions at our doorstep, and other trivial matters – it is time to address a more significant and recurrent concern that directly impacts our well-being, privacy, and personal security, prominently involving one neighbour.
Our foremost challenge as a family pertains to an egregious disregard for our privacy, compounded by a careless attitude towards our health and safety. It is unfortunate that this issue is chiefly propagated by a fellow resident in proximity. Our daily lives are constantly marred by instances where our access points are obstructed and vehicles are recklessly stationed adjacent to our windows, complete with occupants audaciously prying into our living space. The cacophonous din emanating from these vehicles further disrupts our daily routines, intruding upon us whether we are engrossed in work indoors, seeking leisure, or attempting to exit our premises.
The windows adorning the Old Weighbridge are ostensibly designed as top-opening sashes, serving as wholly inadequate provisions for emergency evacuations. Even at my most svelte, squeezing through these apertures remains a near-impossible feat. This circumstance leaves us with a solitary recourse: our doors, destined to serve as our lifeline in the event of a fire or other life-threatening emergencies. It is unfortunate that such a crucial point appears to elude one of our neighbours, along with a handful of others, who persist in their audacious belief that impeding these exits daily is not only acceptable but their prerogative.
I am inclined to remind each of you that the sleepers adorning the barn's perimeter are a mere illusion of our property's boundary. The parking of vehicles alongside these sleepers amounts to encroachment upon our privacy. In situations warranting swift evacuation due to a fire outbreak, the advised course of action is a hasty exit from the premises, putting as much distance between oneself and the hazard as possible. It begs the question whether this task becomes any easier when confronted with the obstruction of an exit by a vehicle. I challenge all of you to contemplate this hypothetical situation, placing yourselves squarely in our shoes – would you tolerate such a perilous hindrance at your own doors?
Recent developments, specifically communication from my landlord on August 16, 2023, have apprised me of having inadvertently caused consternation to a neighbour. The crux of this dispute, I've come to understand, revolves around the repositioning of our waste bins. Allow me to elucidate my stance on this matter: my apathy toward the discomfort my actions may have caused is palpable, and I must admit a certain degree of satisfaction in evoking a reaction from this neighbour. By the conclusion of this discourse, I trust she will have gained a modicum of insight into the effects of her actions on her neighbours.
It is evident that her perturbation stems from the inconvenient dimensions of her car, rendering it incompatible with the confines at her property's back gate. Consequently, she seeks to appropriate space from the barn, conveniently situated adjacent to our bedroom. Equally vexing is her discontent with the current placement of our waste bins, which thwarts her ability to reverse along the barn's full length while maintaining her car's alloy wheels in dangerously close proximity to the sleepers. The resulting raucous symphony, evocative of a V8 engine in full throttle, intrudes upon the tranquillity of our once-hushed chambers. Rather than confronting these personal predicaments head-on, she has chosen the path of portraying herself as a victim.
To this neighbour, I pose a hypothetical scenario: Were I to replicate your recurrent manoeuvres – driving and reversing my vehicle in close proximity to your dwelling, repeated several times a day – how would you react? Would you possess an unwavering confidence in my ability to halt in time should your child emerge from one of the entrances to the barn? It has come to my attention that your young child was observed playing close to the sleepers last week. While you likely advise your child to avoid the road, we, in a comparable situation, would have no choice but to instruct ours to "play in the road, as our neighbour is yet to return home." You presently exploit land for which my wife and I have diligently paid, infringing upon our privacy and imperilling the safety of my family, yet you have the audacity to express discontent over our response.
In the interim, I shall adhere to the pragmatic philosophy that has guided me throughout my years – the unwavering focus on my own affairs. I hold faith that, collectively, we can reach a resolution that upholds the principles of mutual respect, ensuring each of us the space, security, and tranquillity we are entitled to enjoy.
Yours firmly,
Graham
That's amazing. I particularly enjoyed the use of the term "elucidate".
.