OV9

So the boy is nearly 15 months and we're having that conversation. Having been previously adamant that we were both happy with just 1, the wife told me this morning she's 100% ready for a second.

The reasoning is simple. When we are gone we don't want the risk that he will be all alone. That's it.

I've a brother. We're really close. He lives around the corner and we work for the same company. He has 2 kids. My wife has 3 siblings. My dad has a brother. Only my mum is a single child, everyone else is one of two or more.

Right now I feel complete. I love our little family. I worship my boy. He's the most amazing little dude I could've ever wished for, and I don't miss not having a second. But in 30 years time if we're gone and my son is alone in the world then I think I'll have failed him.

If we have a second we'll need to move to something bigger. It'll likely be doing colic and all that newborn crap all over again. I admit that I'm a little bit reticent about starting that all over again.

Has anyone else been through this?

My little boy is 4 and my wife has decided he's going to have a sibling now.

Seems logical, will have someone to play with and he seems to want a sibling as well, as he speaks about it, constantly

So I'll be in the same boat as you I imagine, and just as we got used to having a proper sleep again like everyone else

Your wife wants a second, you're having a second.

I'd like another, but unless they magically come out a year or two old, it ain't going to happen!

Just don't do what my mate did and decide they want a second only to then have twin girls

Watching them interact is great fun and keeping them entertained we found far easier. We have 2 boys though so no experience of girls.

Watching my youngest head barge a bigger kid who was being mean to my oldest though filled me with joy I rarely feel otherwise.

It’s never right, Aslong as financially you won’t struggle then I say go for it as money stress and physical stress is a horrible mix.

Dave!

mr_jon wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 1:59 pm Just don't do what my mate did and decide they want a second only to then have twin girls

There is a history on twins in the family on my dad's side....

As the parent of an Only Child - let me say, have more than one child...

Why?

Big decision. We weren't prepared for the challenges that number 2 brought along.

Ours are 16 months apart and this is my experience.

16 months and newborn. Hard work as number 1 is used to only you and number 2 is on you like a limpet.

3 years and 20 months, starting to become more fun, number 2 is mobile and number 1 is helpful l.

6.5 years and 5 years, good friends, can entertain themselves and enjoy similar things. It’s an absolute joy watching them
Interact and seeing them do sweet things.

We had them out of our room after 8 weeks though, were potty trained at 2 and 2.5 and had no anxiety or them being in our bed for ages which sometimes happens so we have been lucky.

It’s never been a regret though and it’s actually made the workload much smaller as they age. We do no clubs at weekends though as we’ve seen friends lives ruined by basically being a taxi service and rugby tours etc. If that’s your thing then early teens etc can be a real struggle.

Also, child 1 and child 2 will react completely differently to learning and discipline and food though so don’t go thinking what you learned with number 1 will work on number 2

If you use childcare etc then beware the costs, we had a 4 month or so period where it was costing us over 2K a month for nursery alone!!!!

Dave!

The fact your wife is 100% set on the idea means you can only dissapoint her by saying no. You say you're content, but are worried about your Son being alone suggests you're not. I think you'll be having another child soon.

Oh, and when you do, they'll hate each other and you'll wonder why you bothered, then they'll be best friends and you'll be so happy you did.

Ergo, you can't (and won't) win!

P.S. I have 3.

Have another one, like @Gwaredd, I've got a trio and wouldn't change it for the world.

Girl and boy with 3.5 year gap. First being easy going and a good sleeper in no way prepared us for the 2nd where we were sleeping in shifts for six months...

But thankfully ten years later they still get along reasonably well.

I would definitely recommend more than one, go for it!

Two is good imo.

You need to do what is right for you. Some folks still want 5,6,7+

Single children tend to be a bit spoilt, but that is a sweeping generalisation. And we all know all sweeping generalisations are complete and utter shit.

Got 1 and there won't be another. He was a gift as it was, what with my wife's health issues and whilst she'd love another she just doesn't feel physically up to it.

He's thriving though. I wouldn't worry about them feeling alone when you're gone - there's every possibility they might never speak to each other if they had a sibling anyway!

One is a nice number! My wife wanted/wants another and I caved. Sadly we had three miscarriages and I called a halt to proceedings. I didn't want another and certainly not with 50 appearing on the horizon.

It is a cause of some friction for us and that scab gets picked by my wife once in a while if she's feeling blue and I'm always the bad guy.

It's an incredibly emotional subject to have differing opinions on. Tread carefully. If you don't want another then be honest, but bear in mind it may come with occasional blowback.

Good luck.

Bad luck, that. But 50+ is no age to go again, as you have rightly pointed out.

I suppose I was a bit glib earlier but just to say I find it strange when people talk about family planning, and that it will all work out perfectly. There are no guarantees in life, and certainly not that you will end up with a no2 who is 100% 'normal' (whatever that is). Dunno if it's a Gen X or Z thing that we all expect a 2+2 and a lab with walks in the park etc..

mr_jon wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:16 pm Bad luck, that. But 50+ is no age to go again, as you have rightly pointed out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa there sir! I said 50 is appearing on the horizon. I didn't say it was behind me I've a little bit of time left.