Lockdown cookery thread.

[dinny_g]

Second try at the jelly dildo cake still suffering technical difficulties (gelatine and fondant don't play well together)

Could you set the jelly around some form of collapsible tube or metal cylinder and insert the batteries after??

Or scale down the batteries to a Cigar Tube size and use the threads on the cap of the tube to drill out the right size hole of the well set dildo...(*)

(*) - is something I never thought I’d type!!

[Carlos]

MrsREV was missing our too-regular McDonald’s breakfasts so she found some sausage patties in Tesco’s and made her own. They were lovely.

That looks almost perfect Rev...

They have been a dirty treat here when we can get the breakfast muffins

My 13yr old son eats a cooked breakfast 7 days a week so constantly trying to mix it up.

[GG.]

Personally, I was simply thrilled when the Guardian helpfully published this scrummy recipe for a quick, healthy snack using only staples found in the store cupboard.

Click


I’ve really been struggling to use the Shaoxing wine, Lebanese cucumbers and Furikake that I’ve had nestling in the pantry for quite some time now, so this was a real delight.

I’m only a Lebanese cucumber and furi-whatever away from being a guardian reader

Seriously - these people would perish outside London as surely as someone ejected out of an airlock into the vacuum of space wouldn’t they.

[Carlos]

Yep they have a Pantry full of leftover Bukake Egg but don't know what to do with a tin of Spam.

Seriously, does anyone know what a Lebanese Cucumber is ?

[Zonda_]

Can people post their burger recipies, I've tried making them a few times and they have been absolute disaster.

[Mito Man]

Yep they have a Pantry full of leftover Bukake Egg but don't know what to do with a tin of Spam.

Seriously, does anyone know what a Lebanese Cucumber is ?

Don’t ever ask for a Lebanese cucumber.

[DeskJockey]

Mince, salt, pepper, bread crumbs and an egg to bind it together. Leave to chill in the fridge for at least an hour before shaping into burgers.

Shape into burgers about the size of the palm of your hand and about 1-2 cm thick. Cook on medium heat 2-3 mins per side. If you're adding cheese do that with two mins left and cover the pan so it melts.

Once you've got that down pat, you can start adding minced gherkins, finely chopped onions, various herbs, etc.

[Richard]

Can people post their burger recipies, I've tried making them a few times and they have been absolute disaster.

Beer mince. Diced bacon. Tiny amount of tomato puree. Oregano. Pepper.

Mix it all together.

Form into burgers.

Fridge for like 30 mins or so.

Then cook.

No egg. No breadcrumbs. Just meat.

[Richard]

But actually, at home these are my usual.

[Zonda_]

But actually, at home these are my usual.

Interesting, sadly no Waitrose within 50 miles.

[V8Granite]

Burgers need 1 ingredient to bind them, fat. 15% fat and salt and pepper. The fat bonds it together and gives a lovely caremalised texture when cooked.

Grate cold black pudding (freezer for 30 mins) and mix in for added loveliness. You need to kneed it for a while to form into a nice patty.

Dave!

[Swervin_Mervin]

Can people post their burger recipies, I've tried making them a few times and they have been absolute disaster.

Mince. Butchers mince is better as it's proper ground beef rather than that stringy stuff you get from supermarkets.

100g/3.5oz of mince balled up tight. You want a hot plate or skillet and a press. Bang it in, flatten with the press and give it a couple of minutes. Turn and then season on the cooked side.

If you want cheese put it on now and find something to cover it with to steam and melt it.

Anything else in the meat mix is just unnecessary tarting about and a waste of ingredients.

[Carlos]

I agree with Dave the Bear, too lean and you need something to bind them.

12-15% fat beef with smoked salt, pepper and a bit of paprika(or chorizo). Refrigerate or freezer to firm up before pressing.

[McSwede]

I agree with Dave the Bear, too lean and you need something to bind them.

12-15% fat beef with smoked salt, pepper and a bit of paprika(or chorizo). Refrigerate or freezer to firm up before pressing.

Aye. I'd say keep it simple with butchers beef, salt and pepper. Don't over work your meat (fnarr fnarr) so they have a nice texture. I prefer this to adding bread crumbs and egg.

[Jobbo]

Rev, I assumed your McMuffin was made with sausage meat as McDonalds have been promoting that - but we’ve also got the frozen patties and they’re a pretty good likeness for the McDs seasoning. However, I don’t think it’s the sausage which makes it taste particularly McDs-esque; putting a slice of American cheese in your breakfast seems to do the trick, whatever it is.

When did ‘cheese food slices (contains no cheese)’ become ‘American cheese’ anyway? We have loads in the fridge, great for giving the daily medication to the dog

[Nefarious]

Could you set the jelly around some form of collapsible tube or metal cylinder and insert the batteries after??

Or scale down the batteries to a Cigar Tube size and use the threads on the cap of the tube to drill out the right size hole of the well set dildo...(*)

(*) - is something I never thought I’d type!!

That was basically the method for this one -
1) pour some jelly into the base of the mold and let it set
2) pour in a second layer of jelly around some mini tonic cans (nearly identical size and shape to the batteries), up to half way.
3) make the batteries and freeze them
4) wrap batteries tight in cling film, slit the film along the bottom
5) Carefully remove tonic cans and replace with wrapped batteries
6) Fill to the top with extra strong jelly mix, just at the point of setting
7) when the jelly is 95% set, tease out the cling film, bang the whole thing in the freezer for fastest possible set.
8) Use a hair dryer on the upturned mold to gently release the jelly

I know it doesn't look like it in the photo but this was a whisker away from working. I think if I'd greased the mold, or lined it with cling film, I reckon would have got away with it. As it was, one end came out fine, but the other just caught slightly, the jelly tore, and the whole perfectly formed shape slid off the side of the batteries.

I think the secret is to make it with what Americans call "piping gel" - basically jelly with corn syrup (so the next retry will have to wait until the shops are open properly)

[240PP]

Did a lasagne last night. Cheated a bit with the sauces out of a jar.

[Beany]

Can people post their burger recipies, I've tried making them a few times and they have been absolute disaster.

Mince. Butchers mince is better as it's proper ground beef rather than that stringy stuff you get from supermarkets.

100g/3.5oz of mince balled up tight. You want a hot plate or skillet and a press. Bang it in, flatten with the press and give it a couple of minutes. Turn and then season on the cooked side.

If you want cheese put it on now and find something to cover it with to steam and melt it.

Anything else in the meat mix is just unnecessary tarting about and a waste of ingredients.

I generally agree with this, although I'm lazy enough to use supermarket mince.

Throw it in a bowl, add some salt and pepper (typically not much pepper), ball it up, flatten it down, throw it in the air frier (because it heats up faster than the frying pan, and it drains out most of the fat) for five minutes or so. Warm yer buns in the oven while that's going on.

Can go from a packet of mince to chowing down on chunky, not overly greasy burgers in the space of about 20-30 mins.

[dinny_g]

I add chopped up smoked bacon fat to 15% fat mince. And a squirt of Yellow Mustard.

You really don’t need egg or breadcrumbs imo

[jamcg]

Could you set the jelly around some form of collapsible tube or metal cylinder and insert the batteries after??

Or scale down the batteries to a Cigar Tube size and use the threads on the cap of the tube to drill out the right size hole of the well set dildo...(*)

(*) - is something I never thought I’d type!!

That was basically the method for this one -
1) pour some jelly into the base of the mold and let it set
2) pour in a second layer of jelly around some mini tonic cans (nearly identical size and shape to the batteries), up to half way.
3) make the batteries and freeze them
4) wrap batteries tight in cling film, slit the film along the bottom
5) Carefully remove tonic cans and replace with wrapped batteries
6) Fill to the top with extra strong jelly mix, just at the point of setting
7) when the jelly is 95% set, tease out the cling film, bang the whole thing in the freezer for fastest possible set.
8) Use a hair dryer on the upturned mold to gently release the jelly

I know it doesn't look like it in the photo but this was a whisker away from working. I think if I'd greased the mold, or lined it with cling film, I reckon would have got away with it. As it was, one end came out fine, but the other just caught slightly, the jelly tore, and the whole perfectly formed shape slid off the side of the batteries.

I think the secret is to make it with what Americans call "piping gel" - basically jelly with corn syrup (so the next retry will have to wait until the shops are open properly)

Could you try not making the jelly with full amount of water, so it sets harder? Are you using sugar free or full sugar? Full sugar sets better aswell