OV9

This isn't facebook Gavin .

ZedLeg wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:21 am This isn't facebook Gavin .

If it was I would have been able to post the meme which is relevant! I really should find out how to post pictures n here without the slowfest that is Imjur.

@nef - agree with all that.

Nefarious wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 8:45 am Another thing is that there seems to be an increasing narrative in society of happiness as currency.
Once upon a time people judged their externally visible success to a greater extent in money, status etc, but the problem with that is that, by definition, only a minority can be on the winning side of the conspicuous consumption game. Much better for people to build their self-worth around the more nebulous and less quantifiable concept of "happiness".
So people spend massive amounts of mindspace on projecting an external narrative of happiness, wondering why their internal feelings don't match up to the projection (cognitive dissonance) and feeling impotent to improve the situation (unexpected lack of autonomy).

Great couple of posts Nef. Can totally chime with that.

To my mind peoples' focus should be on contentment, which leads to happiness. IMO you cannot truly have the latter without the former.

Swervin_Mervin wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:04 pm

Nefarious wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 8:45 am Another thing is that there seems to be an increasing narrative in society of happiness as currency.
Once upon a time people judged their externally visible success to a greater extent in money, status etc, but the problem with that is that, by definition, only a minority can be on the winning side of the conspicuous consumption game. Much better for people to build their self-worth around the more nebulous and less quantifiable concept of "happiness".
So people spend massive amounts of mindspace on projecting an external narrative of happiness, wondering why their internal feelings don't match up to the projection (cognitive dissonance) and feeling impotent to improve the situation (unexpected lack of autonomy).

Great couple of posts Nef. Can totally chime with that.

To my mind peoples' focus should be on contentment, which leads to happiness. IMO you cannot truly have the latter without the former.

A million times this!!!!

Being able to appreciate what you have is a really good way to actually then enjoy it. Everyone strives for more but a lot of the time at the expense of what they should be enjoying in the mean time.

We had a couple of deaths at work due to drink/ Larium and it’s surprising how people lived their lives away from the show they put on at work.

I’m a far calmer, less angry person at work after finding how to sleep much better. A lack of sleep can really mess up your general well-being.

Dave!

Gavin wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:02 am https://goo.gl/images/yFKQ5X

And therein lies the problem.

"Happy" isn't a destination that you can aim for, then sit back contented for the rest of your days - it's a transient state that happens incidentally on the way to somewhere else.

Are you sure Neil? That meme would suggest otherwise. Do you even Facebook bro?

Nefarious wrote: Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:34 am And therein lies the problem.

"Happy" isn't a destination that you can aim for, then sit back contented for the rest of your days - it's a transient state that happens incidentally on the way to somewhere else.

errr, yes it is...

https://goo.gl/maps/jXK6kQ2jKDm

Gavin wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:34 am

ZedLeg wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 11:21 am This isn't facebook Gavin .

If it was I would have been able to post the meme which is relevant! I really should find out how to post pictures n here without the slowfest that is Imjur.

Gav - select home page on this website. Look at the bottom for Gallery. Matty has already sorted it.

For internet stuff, don't bother with uploading to the gallery, it's a waste of space.

Gav - click on the link in your post above. Mouse over the picture, right click and select "Open Image In New Tab". Go to that tab, copy the link address and paste it on here between [ img ] [ /img ].

Or, if it's a meme for Facebook simpletons, don't bother at all

JLv3.0 wrote: Thu Mar 28, 2019 9:14 am For internet stuff, don't bother with uploading to the gallery, it's a waste of space.

Gav - click on the link in your post above. Mouse over the picture, right click and select "Open Image In New Tab". Go to that tab, copy the link address and paste it on here between [ img ] [ /img ].

Or, if it's a meme for Facebook simpletons, don't bother at all

Thanks. I am not a fan of memes as they do tend to be ill thought out illiterate arse gravy. The JL one did seem apt in this case though.

evostick wrote: Mon Mar 25, 2019 7:00 am

Broccers wrote: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:45 pm

evostick wrote: Fri Mar 22, 2019 4:30 pm I'm not, in fact I've never felt better

Its good people can talk about feeling low these days tho.

Shame you don't have any you cunt

Nefarious wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 8:36 am Unexpected lack of autonomy - powerlessness to have the influence on your environment that you expect
Cognitive dissonance - inconsistencies in your mental narrative that you can ignore in the short term but ultimately undermine your sense of authenticity

Nothing like uprooting your life and moving to the other side of the planet to highlight these two. It's been a brutal learning curve for me.

Really? I would have thought having the drive to up and leave like that would be pretty awesome - you must have got a kick out of it?

Nefarious wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 8:36 am Unexpected lack of autonomy - powerlessness to have the influence on your environment that you expect
Cognitive dissonance - inconsistencies in your mental narrative that you can ignore in the short term but ultimately undermine your sense of authenticity

Both of these resonate with me...

dinny_g wrote: Mon Apr 01, 2019 9:00 am

Nefarious wrote: Wed Mar 27, 2019 8:36 am Unexpected lack of autonomy - powerlessness to have the influence on your environment that you expect
Cognitive dissonance - inconsistencies in your mental narrative that you can ignore in the short term but ultimately undermine your sense of authenticity

Both of these resonate with me...

Personally, I found the realisation that it all comes back to one of those two far more helpful than the "break your problems down into small chunks" approach of CBT.
In practice, lack of autonomy is easier to deal with - it mostly involves changing your environmental situation or expectations (or asking the question "what do I really care about?".
Cognitive dissonance is often trickier because it usually involves unpicking layers of subconscious assumption that your brain has put in to mask the inconsistency. Work is definitely required to strip back your narrative to its building blocks and then reconstruct it without the inauthentic foundations.

JLv3.0 wrote: Mon Apr 01, 2019 6:58 am Really? I would have thought having the drive to up and leave like that would be pretty awesome - you must have got a kick out of it?

Yes, I did - but..

Bar the wife and the people that are here that I knew and was friends with back in the UK (3 of them), I have nothing. The person I speak to the most is the chap that cuts my hair and the butcher.

Work is work. There is no social life. The people I work with all commute in by train from miles away and then have a car journey at the other end, no after work beers. I realise I'm comparing this work environment where I've existed for 7 months to one where I was for 15 years, but it still doesn't help.

I’m out of practice of making friends. My main core of friends from back home I made from Infants through to Sixth Form. Hoyley is probably the newest and I met him at 17 (apart from you internet wierdos). I’m now forty fuckin one.

For I while I thought I could handle the loneliness - I am a rock and all that - but when it kicks in with the home sickness at the same time, it’s viciously debilitating. Fold up in tears useless.

A lot of that rings true - the no-social-at-work thing was killer for me in Paris in my late 20s after 6 years in Central London where you almost always had something going on after work as no-one was driving. The French just didn't have the same approach to socialising with work people - when work was done, they fucked off home.

Also the part about making new friends - as me and my mates here get into our 40s, a lot of them are moving back to the UK, US, Aus etc to be with their parents as they're getting older and more infirm. On that note my old man said he'd kick my arse if I left where I was happy to wet-nurse them - actually got quite forthright on the subject. Top bloke

But I digress. I made friends when I first moved here as I was young enough and enthusiastic enough to get out and meet people - mainly through activities, the desert driving being the real goldmine. All my friends were made through or via there. But now I might have to consider finding some new friends soon and fuck only knows how I go about that as a curmudgeonly bigoted old fuck

I'm lucky in that my best mate here doesn't have a home country to return to, as such (brought up here and lived in Canada, without any interest to move back) and whatever-I-call-my-other-half is happy to live here, so I won't be dragged away any time soon.

One thing I did regret from the Paris era was just going online and seeing if people were around in the same boat as me. The internet in terms of being used for other purposes than porn, car forums and shopping was quite immature (or maybe I was) but I had this stupid hang-up about not finding friends online, or only having French friends like a local or some such nonsense.

I remember being quite outraged when a visiting mate of mine found an English pub near where I worked and said let's go there - it just seemed like such a cliched, shit-English-abroad, I-beef-A full English thing to do. Had the best day I'd had in YEARS - and to this day have no idea why I didn't go back solo and just hang out a little bit. Anyway - that's a long time back now but one of my few life regrets. I've also heard from other Aussie and Kiwi mates that they tend to only hang out with people they've known for decades so I can imagine it's very difficult if not impossible to break into new circles.

Anyway Dave - sorry to hear it's a struggle sometimes. The aforementioned Paris years changed radically in my last 6 months by making ONE really good mate, from that point on we had a blast. Doesn't take much to turn something around and I imagine you're fine most of the time.