OV9

2 is a good number for reasons highlighted above. First year is tough ( 2 years between ours) but when they're getting on its magic.

Ours are 5 and 3 (although closer to 6 and 4 now) and tbh it’s been a pretty hard few years. The benefits of experience with the second are offset by doing all the baby stuff with a toddler under your feet too. There’s definitely stuff I’ve not done with the eldest just because we need to plan around the youngest. And I don’t like to think about the cost of doing full time nursery for two kids, we had a year of both in nursery and the monthly cost dwarfed the mortgage and all our other expenses.

It’s better now though. They generally play well together, no more nappies or pushchairs, they chose to share a bedroom and tend to sleep the same times. Since September the youngest is in the school’s nursery (and gets the 30 hours) so costs a fraction and I just drop and pick up both together.

Positives to both, but if you’re unlikely to have issues having a second and your wife wants to, the decision is probably made already.

Simon wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 3:38 pmWhy?

As I get older, the knowledge he’ll eventually be alone breaks my heart...

Didn’t seem so important at 30. Ours wasn’t a conscious decision - just waited, we have time... then it didn’t happen.

Edit - as someone said, our boy’s a gift and I wouldn’t change a thing about him. Life has decided that’s my family and we don’t need ANYTHING else. He might but we don’t.

Nursery costs are pretty epic. My little boy is in 3 days a week and it's over a grand a month. We should get 15 hours paid in January, so it'll be down to about £700. Still a big old number!

We always said we wanted two, but as I sat there going through the labour process with my wife I came to the decision that the human breeding process is absurd. I started questioning the theory of evolution.

I decided then that maybe one is enough. A week on, I still think one is probably enough.

And therein, as the bard would say, lies the Rub...

Your wife's brain is currently deconstructing the memories of the trauma of childbirth so in a few months, it'll all be forgotten by her.

You won't forget it but she will.

My wife had gestational diabetes so was induced a little over a week early. Induced Monday, in labour on Wednesday, laboured through Wednesday night then C-Section on Thursday because boy was in distress overnight and wouldn't come naturally. So 72 hours from tablet to birth.

And she wants to do that again!?!?

dinny_g wrote: Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:15 am And therein, as the bard would say, lies the Rub...

Your wife's brain is currently deconstructing the memories of the trauma of childbirth so in a few months, it'll all be forgotten by her.

You won't forget it but she will.

You may well be right. I guess as long as she wants to then I don't mind, after all I'll be back to work soon enough.

We had our daughter coming up 12 years ago (Yeah, I bloody know) and it was a horrible 2 day labour followed by C section and it knocked my wife for six for weeks. She is and was perfect, my first ever bio relative which was an amazing feeling to look at someone you share blood with.

We were complete, my wife had no desire to do it again but as Emily got to 18 months and was chatting away happily we watched her at the childminders with the ones who were littler than her and she was just amazing and we decided to have our now 9 year old boy.

They are incredibly close, particularly as he is very much a wee boy and she is very much a pre-teen, albeit a quite lovely one.

I have two adopted siblings, 2 half siblings and two step siblings. I also have loads of cousins and we all stay in touch but some more than others. My wife and her sister are very close and my niece and nephew at 22 and 21 are also still best friends.

Growing up, I had a few only child friends and they tended to be in the lonely camp or the spoiled camp. Mostly spoiled but tbf that was due to a middle class upbringing where playdates were arranged by Mothers, not by actual friendship!

TL:DR - have another, the second will be totally different but as @Gwaredd said, when my son was about 18 months old he punched a kid twice his size for making his sister cry and I have rarely felt such a swell of love.

McSwede wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 8:17 pm

mr_jon wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:16 pm Bad luck, that. But 50+ is no age to go again, as you have rightly pointed out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa there sir! I said 50 is appearing on the horizon. I didn't say it was behind me I've a little bit of time left.

Sorry but in my mind you have now been relegated to mr-crashy-mcauldfart

V8Granite wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 2:11 pm Watching them interact is great fun and keeping them entertained we found far easier. We have 2 boys though so no experience of girls.

Watching my youngest head barge a bigger kid who was being mean to my oldest though filled me with joy I rarely feel otherwise.

It’s never right, Aslong as financially you won’t struggle then I say go for it as money stress and physical stress is a horrible mix.

Dave!

Ah cock, sorry @Gwaredd wrong chap tagged.

Agreed, seeing them stick up for each other is properly lovely!

Some of my favourite pics of my two are them cuddling up with huge happy smiles. Or Emily holding her wee brother and just absentmindedly kissing his head.

I remember reading something recently about research into whether having siblings had any bearing on the child. It seems the idea that only children are spoilt is some bunkum that dates from the 19C.

Interetsing read here

mr_jon wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 7:16 pm Bad luck, that. But 50+ is no age to go again, as you have rightly pointed out.

I have two daughters from my first marriage 17 & 20 that I haven't seen for 5 year (their mother turned them against me, but that's another story). When I first met my current wife, she asked me if I'd ever get married again or have any more kids and the answer to both was a "Fuck no!" When we got back from travelling, we discovered she was pregnant and I became a dad again at the ripe old age of 50. It's so much harder in your 50's than in your 30's. I wouldn't change anything, but Max will definitely be an only child.

Friends of mine have had kids in their late 40s and they look absolutely terrible (my mates, not the kids). Still, each to their own. I was never bothered and am still not. I don't understand people in their 20s these days never mind kids of these times.

duncs500 wrote: Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:33 am

dinny_g wrote: Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:15 am And therein, as the bard would say, lies the Rub...

Your wife's brain is currently deconstructing the memories of the trauma of childbirth so in a few months, it'll all be forgotten by her.

You won't forget it but she will.

You may well be right. I guess as long as she wants to then I don't mind, after all I'll be back to work soon enough.

There's research out there confirming this - I read about it in several "Parenting" books at the time. It's a primeval trigger mechanism to help ensure population growth - apparently, without this memory management thing, women just wouldn't want to go through it all again.

Ours was born out of the sunroof but apparently it doesn't matter - it's driven by hormonal changes post delivery, rather than the birthing process itself. Fascinating stuff really...

It must change depending on how the birth goes bviousky but seeing my wife give birth both times was fascinating. First was a normal 12 hour job, the second one she knew what to expect so we walked in 1 hour before Connor arrived. I always loved and respected her but seeing her do what essentially women have developed to do was a big positive in our relationship.

Dave!

I wouldn't ever wish to see my wife go through what she did at the birth. She was given a day to come in, as she was being managed by a specialist unit at the hospital - they declared a week beforehand that she'd be having a section on day x, which was 4 weeks early. So no labour to go through etc. Dead easy right? In and out.

It was nothing like. Whilst I'm in no way squeamish, the amount of physical discomfort she had to endure was bloody unconfortable to watch. Firstly we already knew she had a tough stomach wall to cut through, made worse by the scar tissue, so that caused issues in itself. But then the little sod didn't want to come out They were wrestling away for some 5-10mins before he eventually came out, and I mean wrestling - I've never seen so much physical force have to go into a human procedure and the doc was absolutely sweating by the end of it.

I was on strict instructions to stay away from the business end - So I was holding her hand and keeping on the correct side of the protection sheet.

Her only really issue in the whole process was that the original Epidural failed and needed to be re-set. She had been wide awake and contracting for 36 hours by this stage so was naturally, a bit shaky. Serious No No for re-setting the epidural. It took a long time for her to settle enough to do it.

Having said all that, the actual "delivery" bit was fine. We were told at 07:00 in the morning "right, he's not coming out. time for a caesarean" and he was born at 07:22. It took a bit if time to fix up my other half so for 45 minutes, it was just me and my boy in the recovery room. Best 45 minutes of my life...

I promised him so much... I'm glad he can't remember as I'd be a serious disappointment...

I watched all of my wife's C section. It was brilliant!