Crumbing parents

[Mito Man]

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

Tell me more Zips. I'm fairly certain ALL of you can hear what my Dad is watching on the telly. Even Zips.

Modern hearing aids are pretty amazing. I've worn them for years, after I lost most of my hearing in my late twenties (got some of it back with some clever surgery). They're basically Bluetooth headsets with all the functionality you'd expect. NHS will give free hearing aids but they're usually pretty clunky, bottom of the range. Private audiologists will have a much better range, as they get more expensive they have more functionality, as well as better sound processing too. They do get quite spendy though, my last pair were around £3.5k (wth 4 years warranty and free checkups). Specsavers were crap when I first visited them, dunno if they've improved. I ended up getting way better service for the same price at a Harley Street audiologist.

The only thing that any old person will 100% complain about is the adjustment period. It takes time for your brain to re-learn the range of sound frequencies and volumes. For the first 2-4 weeks it will sound horrid, tinny, echoey, noisy. Basically enough to make you stop using them. After a few weeks or so, it's hard to live without them.

Hang on a minute, you seem quite into your hifi - how does that work with hearing aids? Won’t the hearing aids be the limiting factor so spending anything over a average system essentially pointless?

[Gavster]

Tell me more Zips. I'm fairly certain ALL of you can hear what my Dad is watching on the telly. Even Zips.

Modern hearing aids are pretty amazing. I've worn them for years, after I lost most of my hearing in my late twenties (got some of it back with some clever surgery). They're basically Bluetooth headsets with all the functionality you'd expect. NHS will give free hearing aids but they're usually pretty clunky, bottom of the range. Private audiologists will have a much better range, as they get more expensive they have more functionality, as well as better sound processing too. They do get quite spendy though, my last pair were around £3.5k (wth 4 years warranty and free checkups). Specsavers were crap when I first visited them, dunno if they've improved. I ended up getting way better service for the same price at a Harley Street audiologist.

The only thing that any old person will 100% complain about is the adjustment period. It takes time for your brain to re-learn the range of sound frequencies and volumes. For the first 2-4 weeks it will sound horrid, tinny, echoey, noisy. Basically enough to make you stop using them. After a few weeks or so, it's hard to live without them.

Hang on a minute, you seem quite into your hifi - how does that work with hearing aids? Won’t the hearing aids be the limiting factor so spending anything over a average system essentially pointless?

I just turn it up louder obvs

My hearing loss these days is around minus 30-40dB which is a moderate hearing loss and means I can have partially open-dome hearing aids without getting any major feedback issues. Feedback is a major problem especially as hearing aids get more powerful for severe losses. That means the part of the hearing aid in my ear has perforations to allow natural sounds in, as well as having a little speaker (they call it a receiver for some reason) to augment the natural sound. Basically everything I hear is a mixture of 'normal' sound and hearing aid sound, which probably makes it easier for me to enjoy hifi. I can also switch the hearing aids to 'music' for a completely flat frequency response too - because they're usually tuned to help understand speech.

Even with the hearing aids I can still tell the difference in style or character between different setups. Sure, I'm not going to be able to drill down into the minutiae of the sound like someone else could, however, that's no bad thing either. Also, good hifi is a physical experience. Especially from the mid-range down to low-range sounds, the way the music is delivered is felt as much as it's heard.

e.g. like this

[Mito Man]

Makes sense, work a bit like AirPods and their various transparency modes then.

[Jobbo]

I had dinner in Devon last week with my dad and two of his old friends. In a relatively new, spacious and open bistro with lots of hard surfaces. There was a point at which the three of them all looked blankly at each other because they simply couldn't hear what any of the others were saying. I confess it was quite an amusing moment, like something from a 1980s British sitcom.

[ZedLeg]

I get that in noisy pubs too. It get’s to a point where I can’t make out what anyone is saying so I just start smiling and nodding

[dinny_g]

I get that in noisy pubs too. It get’s to a point where I can’t make out what anyone is saying so I just start smiling and nodding

Yeah, me too.

Same with groups in restaurants - I can hear the person at wither side of me, and across from me, and either side of them but anyone else, forget it.

also, if there's ANY noise between me and the speaker, I won't hear them. I also struggle if the speaker isn't looking directly at me.

[Simon]

I had dinner in Devon last week with my dad and two of his old friends. In a relatively new, spacious and open bistro with lots of hard surfaces. There was a point at which the three of them all looked blankly at each other because they simply couldn't hear what any of the others were saying. I confess it was quite an amusing moment, like something from a 1980s British sitcom.

Last of the summer wine vibes.

[mik]

I think breading your parents is probably a good idea...

PankoParentals

[Jobbo]

I had dinner in Devon last week with my dad and two of his old friends. In a relatively new, spacious and open bistro with lots of hard surfaces. There was a point at which the three of them all looked blankly at each other because they simply couldn't hear what any of the others were saying. I confess it was quite an amusing moment, like something from a 1980s British sitcom.

Last of the summer wine vibes.

Needless to say, I pushed them down the beach in a bathtub at the end of the night.

[Explosive Newt]

I had dinner in Devon last week with my dad and two of his old friends. In a relatively new, spacious and open bistro with lots of hard surfaces. There was a point at which the three of them all looked blankly at each other because they simply couldn't hear what any of the others were saying. I confess it was quite an amusing moment, like something from a 1980s British sitcom.

Last of the summer wine vibes.

Needless to say, I pushed them down the beach in a bathtub at the end of the night.

The hipster alternative to a stairlift.

[V8Granite]

I had a big argument with my parents about 18 months ago. My Mum was a factory worker supervisor on minimum wage her whole life and my Dad was a shift worker at Perkins on the production line.

After my Granh died and left them a bit of money and years of hard saving they had a small pot of fun money. I told them if they died with 50k cash in the bank I’d be gutted, tears were shed and I’d really upset my Mum as I was pretty angry, they are 65 and 67 and they just travel whenever anywhere takes their fancy now. Dad had a new knee but otherwise they are just having to slow down, I’m very lucky they are both so involved in my kids lives after long hard working lives so seeing them doing things for themselves is lovely.
People really don’t understand how hard physical shift work is, it takes years off you.

Dave!

[dinny_g]

I have a similar discussion with my Dad. He has two houses, one of which is empty 330 or 340 days of the year. I want him to sell it and enjoy the rest of his retirement but he wants to keep it as an inheritance for the kids.

[Gavster]

My dad once asked his uncle if he’d planned what he’d do with any inheritance he left. “I’m gonna spend it all!” Is what he said. True to his word, he went to Vegas when he was 90, I met him in India when he was 92 (he’d travelled there via Japan from Canada) and tbh I reckon most of his cash was spent on travelling and travel insurance. The latter is quite expensive when you’re in your 90s

[Gavin]

Both my parents are 85 and in pretty good health for it. THey have slowed down and are noticably older than a few years back but Dad can still drive and they still mange the garden and house between them. I am regularkly shown where paperwork etc is which is cheery.

My wife's Father is having serious memory problems which is depressing her Mum so pretty horrible.

[McSwede]

Mine are getting on. Dad has just turned 80 and mum is 78. Both are in fine health, especially Dad. They're always out walking or doing stuff. Plus they do a lot of the school pick ups and quite often have my daughter and her cousin over for sleepovers. Dad stopped riding a motorbike at 77 as it was playing havoc with his wrists and the bike was feeling to heavy. He now has a MK3 MR2 on coilovers and it's nothing other than immaculate.

I worry about them because of their age but am happy at how healthy they are. We moved much closer to them in Feb 2020 (great timing!) so they are a 5 minute walk away which is nice.

Long may it continue

[Explosive Newt]

Update

Found a care home for respite care on Tuesday. Very local, good reviews, looked nice on viewing. Arranged an assessment as soon as they could manage (Friday). After the assessment they said mum's care needs were greater than they could manage. Now looking at other places.

Lessons learned
Spread your net wide and look at more than one nursing home
Or better still anticipate if / when this will happen and have a NH who knows the individual needing care and can take them

[Delphi]

Lost my dad to Lewy Body Dementia almost 8 years ago now at the relatively young age of 68. He wasn't in the best of health before that (mostly of his own doing - he was pretty overweight). My mum's 76 and in pretty good health. She walks a few miles with friends twice a week and is generally active. Hope it continues.

[unzippy]

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

Tell me more Zips. I'm fairly certain ALL of you can hear what my Dad is watching on the telly. Even Zips.

Pretty much what Gavster said. When Dad went to the hearing specialist, interestingly he made Dad go NHS first. His reasoning was that you should try what they have and if you get on with them and they improve things, come back and see me and my kit will blow you away. Definitely worked for Dad!

[Explosive Newt]

The care system is hard to understand, made even harder by the fact that a lot of the social workers and other people in the system don't seem to understand it either!

Mum needs to go into a nursing home. Their weekly fee is £1585. There are slightly cheaper ones out there, but not by much and this one seems of good quality and is close to home. We don't get any help from the council as mum has more than £24k in savings. Once her savings are run down, they will assist, but only to the tune of £800 a week. So it is left to dad and myself to pick up the shortfall.

Mum went into hospital nearly 6 weeks ago, and we gave them details of our nursing home of choice on day 3 of the admission. She was deemed medically fit for discharge on the 7th day of admission. So it has taken nearly 5 weeks for the social workers to work out the above for us.

[V8Granite]

The MIL went carnivore as her hand pain, hips and shoulder etc were getting too much.

No more pain medication at all, she can lift her arm above her shoulder for the first time in years and the weight is coming off. Still no exercise but she can walk without a walking frame again.

2 false knees, 1 hip back in the summer, a bit of physio but the change is huge. She’s very very happy and can now get on the bus and come to see us, which hasn’t happened in about 5 years.

Dave!