Mental Health

[dinny_g]

With the exception of the childhood trauma part, you could be describing my other half. And for what it’s worth, the therapy and help is there to go from that to a pretty normal life.

I still have to unplug the plug beside my chair every night for her (despite leaving 4 or 5 others plugged in in the living room) but her main challenge (related to dates, anniversaries etc) has been addressed for the most part.

There are some amazing therapies and therapists out there so good luck on your journey.

One final thought and forgive me if I’m stating the obvious.

Be 100% open with the therapist. Trust them and tell them absolutely everything. Even if they don’t ask, volunteer it. Smoked a bit of skunk weed in college - tell them. You and you missus aren’t in a good place - tell them. You only get out of therapy what you give so if you hold back, you won’t get the full benefit

A friend spent a year in therapy telling telling his therapist exactly what he thought his therapist needed to hear in order for them to tell him what he wanted as a diagnosis. Which wasn’t the problem.

I can PM you my guys name if you like. He was brilliant

[Gavster]

The hardest conversation I had with a therapist was trying to explain why I didn’t like them lol took me months to build up to that convo

[mik]

Childhood was properly awful.

Recent events haven't helped. My closest family member passed this year, and my younger brother also passed recently (29).

Jeez dude, that sounds really tough. Condolences for your losses.

Everyone only has their own personal experience to draw from, and it was only really in adulthood that I started to fully appreciated that I'd been very fortunate in my upbringing compared to many kids.

Kudos to you for raising the topic. In my experience counselling can be powerful, and as someone who doesn't feel comfortable opening up to others ~ Dinny's guidance is good in that space.

Do try and take some time or find a way to recognise your strength and resilience though. Some folks are dealt a far harder hand than others, but whilst everyone tends to beat themselves up about their (self-perceived) shortcomings, suffers self-doubt, wishes they'd made some different choices in the past : you've made it through adversities and challenges that many never have to face or even consider. There are many elements (achievements, behaviours, values that you now present) that you should rightly feel proud of.

[jamcg]

Fast forward a few years, and things deteriorated. But weirdly, I hadn't really noticed!

It’s amazing how it sneaks up one you. I’ve been going to the doctors as I’ve been experiencing a massive amount of anxiety lately, coupled with a debilitating level of brain fog

I’ve had a really busy time with work/scouting/extra jobs for family etc. and the first thing I noticed was a complete inability to relax, just felt on edge, like I had to be busy. Then the anxiety built and built, and in me it manifests as ridiculously low tolerance of people and extreme anger outbursts. Medication is helping, but it’s made me realise this is the first time I’ve felt myself for as long as I can remember, so god knows how long this has actually been affecting me.


Sorry for the losses you’ve endured, and hope the therapy provides the help you need. Good luck with the job interview for Tuesday.

[StangMan_]

Thanks for all the comments, chaps. Really appreciate you all taking the time to post

The recommendations are really helpful. Dinny, if you see this, I would appreciate those details - thank you.

Beany, I totally agree on the Fuck It Bucket ( ) My old therapist had a similar thing going where you set aside time to deal with shit that was bothering you instead if just fussing on it all day. It's really useful and I'd forgotten about that!

Mik, you're 100% right. The main theme of a self help book I'm listening to is get into the habit of giving yourself more credit. I've noticed that I'm constantly beating myself up about stuff but I don't think I've ever given myself a pat on the back for anything

Jamcg, it's crazy, isn't it. I totally get where you're coming from as well as it all relates. Appreciate the words. Definitely feeling overwhelmed but staying positive. Hope the medication keeps working for you. I hear loads of people saying the meds help a lot.

[dinny_g]

The recommendations are really helpful. Dinny, if you see this, I would appreciate those details - thank you.

Just sent you a PM with the details

[eliot771]

The hardest conversation I had with a therapist was trying to explain why I didn’t like them lol took me months to build up to that convo

Yeaaah... that moment where you’re basically in therapy for the anxiety of having to talk to your therapist It’s wild how something that sounds so simple ends up being the hardest thing to say.

I started treatment through one of these medical cannabis clinics a few months ago, and it helped me stay a bit more balanced sao I could actually face conversations like that without overthinking them for days

[StangMan_]

As a way of update, things are going ok. Not great, not bad, but ok.

The NHS sessions didn't prove overly helpful and I discharged myself from the service. I am booked in with a private coach who specialises in anxiety and OCD.

While I'm better at understanding worry, I'm not so good at controlling it. It's hard to be balanced and reframe perspective when the intrusive thoughts come.

For example, a basic tool used by therapists is the Worry Tree. If you can do something about a worry, then do it. If you can't, then stop worrying about it.

But when you obsess over something, you can't just pick a direction and stick with it. Plus, it's hard for people in this position to differentiate between a real Vs hypothetical issue.

The minute I have 'resolved' a worry, it's immediately replaced by another one. So the Worry Tree isn't overly helpful for me.

For example, and I would appreciate input on this as I don't know if I've lost perspective here or not. Today's issue is my old house which I sold over a year ago. The house has a chocbox/junction box in the wall which was done to repair the downstairs lighting circuit after I stupidly drilled through the cable. Only after I moved out did I find out that this is not an ideal repair.

Most people likely wouldn't give it a second thought, but my brain is telling me that the screws will come loose, cable will catch fire, and burn the house down. This is despite the fact it's plastered over and in a brick wall.

So the Worry Tree is either knock on the current owner's door and confess - potentially opening a whole can or worms, or leave it and the house catches fire.

This is what I'm dealing with, and all the other worries follow the same suit..

I'm hoping that once I've dealt with this one, I can move on into better habits as my new therapy sessions begin next week.

[dinny_g]

I can sympathise with the thought process. Mine was the chimney was going to fall in on the new owners and kill their kid... The Chimney had a crack in the attic - got it inspected by an expert who confirmed it was the render on the outside and not the chimney itself that was cracked which he confirmed by getting on the roof and dropping a camera down from above etc.

Nothing to worry about - but I still worried. In time, the worry subsided but it wasn't instantaneous and there wasn't any magic bullet I'm afraid.

The thought process my therapist wen through was: "How long has the chimney been there and NOT fallen in", "Why would it suddenly collapse the minute you moved out ?" "How long AFTER you move out are you going to allow yourself to think it's still your fault"

[StangMan_]

Cheers Dinny. Almost weird reading someone having gone through the same mental process that I am now! Glad it subsided for you.

I 100% get it. I've worked myself into a corner here, because ultimately it's a bodge of a repair, and there's not much I can do about it without opening a can of worms. If I do notify the new owner, I'm potentially making a rod for my own back but if I leave it, then I have to live with the possibility it goes bang.. rock and a hard place.

I've struggled with this issue as I don't know where to turn with it..

[mik]

Whilst I am not a sparky..... even if it failed (which it won't) then the breakers & RCD's in the Consumer Unit will take care of things. I wouldn't sweat it.

[dinny_g]

How long ago did you do the repair??

Would “If it didn’t fail during the x months and years while I lived there, why would it suddenly fail now” thought process work?

[Gavster]

Here's another angle which could help, I've always found journalling/morning pages a really useful catharsis in the past as a way to empty my head. Sitting down with a pen and paper and literally dumping my brain on the page (it's best done with paper and ink, rather than digitally).

How about sitting down, writing down what would happen, what would be the result, how it would impact you for the worst outcome, the median outcome, and the absolute best outcome. It doesn't solve the issue, but the practice of removing the thought processes from your head and making them concrete into words can be surprisingly calming. It might also 'right size' it a bit too.

[StangMan_]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice and perspective check, which goes missing when overcome with the negative thoughts.

You're right Mik. There circuit would surely trip if there was something going on. It never did when we were there. The repair was done a couple of years ago now. My thing has turned into the bodge failing at some point - screws within the box becoming loose due to vibrations, then causing a fire within the brick wall.

I think I'm going to have to accept there isn't anything I can do about it, not unless I want to open myself up to a potential big issue.

[duncs500]

Houses are full of wires held into things by screws, but it's a pretty static environment, the house will probably be rewired before it magically escapes the screw (and as has been said, even if it did it's unlikely to result in a fire).

I appreciate that it probably isn't that useful to tell you not to worry about it though!

[Mito Man]

Honestly though what house doesn’t have bodges. Almost guaranteed you buy any house and there will be something dodgy, even a new build.

[duncs500]

Especially a new build.

[StangMan_]

Thanks chaps. Really appreciate the perspective check!

[jamcg]

As someone who works in the building trade (plumber/gas engineer) your repair is old school in its manner, but it is still a decent, safe repair- you’ve not simply twisted the cables together and wrapped them in tape.

You say it’s not an ideal method, but I’d say it’s a good quality diy repair. Nothing to worry about I’d say

[StangMan_]

Thanks very much. Appreciate that a lot.

Funny you say that, I was actually told by someone else that this was an old school type repair and wouldn't have been unusual back in the day. We also wrapped the ends of the box in a bit of electrical tape as well to ensure no moisture or dust works it's way in. But when you obsess over something you end up making yourself believe all manner of nonsense. I remember convincing myself that the wall felt 'warm' where the box was, but it was probably just the difference in plaster on the wall. The consumer unit was always fine and nothing ever tripped (it definitely had RCD protection, and possibly MCB - it had individual breakers for each circuit, so I assume that's the MCB). So there is protection if the circuit somehow develops resistance.

Thanks guys. I genuinely feel a lot better about this now.