Crumbing parents

[Explosive Newt]

Mum (Alzheimers) is falling more frequently. She fell on dad (primary carer) on Saturday. Even though he could barely stand up he doesn't tell me he needs help until Sunday morning because he's a stubborn old bugger. While I am driving up, mum falls again, this time hitting her head and winding up in A&E.
Now taking a week away from work to look after them both. Hopefully a package of care in place with next week, accompanying dad's slow recovery.

Jeez. Don't get old, guys.

[Jobbo]

I think breading your parents is probably a good idea...

Had a week away with my Dad last week; his suggestion and my wife encouraged me to go because he won't be around forever. I thought it would a lovely period of reminiscence somewhere we'd been many times together over the last 45 years but it was actually an exercise in frustration; he's a bit deaf but even when he could hear me properly because he'd replaced his hearing aid batteries, he didn't listen. He was a bit unsteady on his feet with his replacement knee - which he's had for about 14/15 years - so although we walked a fair bit, he struggled at times on public footpaths which were at all uneven. And he talked a lot: over me, when I was working and told him I needed a bit of peace for an hour, when the TV was on (which he was watching) - and usually about people whose names I had never heard before. I think he was doing a subconscious info dump.

I'm lucky: he's in good health generally. It's very apparent how quickly he's gone from still youthful to being a bit old; probably over the course of about 3 years, since his partner died suddenly which I'm sure is no coincidence. I do miss him being my Dad of old though. And I can quite see how people do go downhill when one simple thing gives them a knock, physically or mentally.

Look after yours, Will.

[jamcg]

My mams 75, still working, starting to struggle with sky high blood pressure. They changed her tablets twice, which did nothing to bring it down, in fact it went up. And ended up with breathing difficulties to boot.

They’ve now put her on her original tablets which have brought it down slightly, and her breathing is massively improved, so hopefully this is the start of getting her sorted

[Gavster]

Mum (Alzheimers) is falling more frequently. She fell on dad (primary carer) on Saturday. Even though he could barely stand up he doesn't tell me he needs help until Sunday morning because he's a stubborn old bugger. While I am driving up, mum falls again, this time hitting her head and winding up in A&E.
Now taking a week away from work to look after them both. Hopefully a package of care in place with next week, accompanying dad's slow recovery.

Jeez. Don't get old, guys.

Sending lots of moral support your way It's always fascinated me how our lives are an evolution from being a tiny baby, totally reliant upon our parents for life, through several decades of change, to being a mature adult with roles reversed and our parents reliant on us.

Luckily my folks are doing well, they seem to be pretty healthy and strong for their late seventies. Bar a few minor health things which I guess are inevitable, they're doing alright.

[240PP]

Luckily my folks are doing well, they seem to be pretty healthy and strong for their late seventies. Bar a few minor health things which I guess are inevitable, they're doing alright.

Mine are much the same (75 and 76). Dad has had a knee and hip replacement and takes a few old people’s tablets but is thankfully fine, other than that. Still quite active going out to watch cricket/rugby and the pub.

They live about 4hrs from me so I go for a weekend about five times a year. Very sobering to think that if they’re lucky enough to get another ten years then I’ve only got another 50 times of seeing them…

[DeskJockey]

Hope things get sorted for you Will.

My dad is doing quite well at 77 considering the list of ailments. He's coming to visit in a few weeks, so we'll see how he is in the flesh.

[Rich B]

My mum (75) died a few years ago from cancer, she went downhill pretty quickly from fairly fit and fighting it, to going. The worst part was it was over covid so we weren't able to spend as much physical time together as we would have liked.

Her husband (77) and my dad (77) are both physically strong and nowhere near their age (still able to play golf, do whole days of DIY, long walks, etc...) except for my dads hearing, which is really bad. It's not helped by the fact his wife, who is 10 years younger also has awful hearing too - maybe even worse than his. Trying to communicate with them both (especially if you add my 6 year old into the mix) is pretty stressful!! They both struggle with Hearing aids too which doesn't help.

Spend time with them whilst you can!

[IanF]

Yeah, my dad (77) relies heavily on my mother (68), and fell badly a few months ago. My mum tried to pick him up and hurt herself in the process. They’ve moved back to their old house in Hampshire from Sandbanks so they’re 40mins away now which is better, but my dad is pretty deaf and has dementia which is incredibly stressful to deal with and obviously lots worse for my mum!

[unzippy]

My mum (75) died a few years ago from cancer, she went downhill pretty quickly from fairly fit and fighting it, to going. The worst part was it was over covid so we weren't able to spend as much physical time together as we would have liked.

Her husband (77) and my dad (77) are both physically strong and nowhere near their age (still able to play golf, do whole days of DIY, long walks, etc...) except for my dads hearing, which is really bad. It's not helped by the fact his wife, who is 10 years younger also has awful hearing too - maybe even worse than his. Trying to communicate with them both (especially if you add my 6 year old into the mix) is pretty stressful!! They both struggle with Hearing aids too which doesn't help.

Spend time with them whilst you can!

Top tip - if you are struggling persuade them that they need hearing aids, you need to fight dirty. I got dad into a hearing aid by telling him that he was upsetting the grandchild by ignoring her. She was calling him and her didn't hear.
Worked a treat

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

[240PP]

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

My Dad has those. They only work if you remember to put them in though

Impressive things though and not visible when they’re in.

[Simon]

Wow, lots of familiar tales in here.

My Mum is 77 (today!). Dad is 78. Whilst Dad looks and sounds fighting fit (he only wound up his business and finally retired at the beginning of the year), Mum feels like she's aged very quickly over the last 3-4 years. It started when she had her purse pinched in Waitrose in March '20. Between that and Covid she lost the courage to leave the house much at all. Then some medical issues last year (now treated) further curtailed her mobility.

Now she has quite bad cataracts, and she's waiting for the op date from the NHS. She's mostly blind right now however, and could barely see us across the lounge at the weekend. It's sad how she's gone from quite a sprightly active woman who was happy to pop to the shops or the library on her own, to someone who's mostly housebound and very slow on her feet.

If I could get my hands on the person who nicked her purse back in 2020 I don't know what I'd do to him, but it feels like it all started with that one act.

[Carlos]

Dad is in pretty good nick at 74, a bit deaf, a bit arthritic but still does 50+ miles a week on a pedal assist bike, 100 on a good week.

Lost my mum to breast cancer when she was 50 and he reminds me that age is inevitably cruel but better than dying young!

He lives across the road from me so see him every day which I shouldn't take for granted.

[Pete_]

My dad turned 70 last month but is old for his age. He's had bad gout for a long time as well as diabetes related numbness in his legs and now can't walk without a zimmer frame and uses a mobility scooter when he's out of his apartment building, though I think he probably could walk further with the Zimmer if he wanted to. The diabetes is now also affecting his hands and he struggles to write and use cutlery properly. His little finger in one hand has curled up into the palm and is probably going to be amputated.

He's still drinking in secret a lot. Last year he set fire to something he was cooking and when the fire brigade turned up he was on the floor having fallen and hit his head on something when drunk. He's living in an old people's apartment building so has someone there to help if there's an emergency which makes me feel better and my sister lives close by.

[tim]

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

Tell me more Zips. I'm fairly certain ALL of you can hear what my Dad is watching on the telly. Even Zips.

[JonMad]

Yeah, my Mum and Dad are really open about discussing their health (to excess, sometimes) and we have Powers of Attorney in place already. Mentally they are both in a good place, probably better than in years, at the moment. Physically less so, esp my Dad who's waiting for a second knee replacement and an ear op. My wife's parents are both physically more active but have always been in denial and refuse to have any conversations about any health matters. Wife's Mum is starting to get more and more forgetful so we can see where that might head

By the way, if anyone is looking for a mobility scooter I have my Mum's one in the garage that she has asked me to sell. They bought it new when she was less mobile and used it maybe twice. Now they say if they need something like it they'll get a different one. I need to get it on eBay or find a company that deals in them.

[Simon]

Ah yes, I forgot PoA. When my Dad and Uncle were dealing with my great-aunts affairs in the last years of her life they had to go to the court of protection to get PoA as it wasn't in place before she lost her marbles.

My uncle wanted to be sure he didn't get to the same place, so he gave me and my brother PoA (he has no children of his own).

Don't have it yet for Mum and Dad. Dad is still fighting fit so I guess he thinks he doesn't need it. Not really a conversation I want to start either.

[Explosive Newt]

Dad is fortunately mentally pretty good and very independent, still driving and getting out to see his friends. In fact it's remarkable: they were a very old fashioned couple with mum keeping house and him going out and working but as she's declined he's learned a completely new skill set and is even doing online banking etc! But this weekend confirmed my fears that it is all very precarious and doesn't take much for the wheels to come off.

Thanks for the messages of support. I'm hoping mum will be able to go into a home for respite care for a fortnight for a couple of weeks and fingers crossed dad can come live with us if he still isn't up to being fully independent.

[dinny_g]

My Dad's just finished radio therapy for prostate cancer and, so far, doing well.

However, whole both he and my mum (in their late 70's ) were both very active and relatively healthy before this, I suspect an immediate transformation to "elderly" after this.

We're going over at Christmas because, despite Facetiming them multiple times per week, it's just not the same and, well, time waits for no one.

[Gavster]

He's now got a very fancy hearing aid that's bluetoothed to his phone. Can change all the profiles from the phone, even leave the phone in the middle of a pub table to catch all the conversation.

Tell me more Zips. I'm fairly certain ALL of you can hear what my Dad is watching on the telly. Even Zips.

Modern hearing aids are pretty amazing. I've worn them for years, after I lost most of my hearing in my late twenties (got some of it back with some clever surgery). They're basically Bluetooth headsets with all the functionality you'd expect. NHS will give free hearing aids but they're usually pretty clunky, bottom of the range. Private audiologists will have a much better range, as they get more expensive they have more functionality, as well as better sound processing too. They do get quite spendy though, my last pair were around £3.5k (wth 4 years warranty and free checkups). Specsavers were crap when I first visited them, dunno if they've improved. I ended up getting way better service for the same price at a Harley Street audiologist.

The only thing that any old person will 100% complain about is the adjustment period. It takes time for your brain to re-learn the range of sound frequencies and volumes. For the first 2-4 weeks it will sound horrid, tinny, echoey, noisy. Basically enough to make you stop using them. After a few weeks or so, it's hard to live without them.

[ZedLeg]

My dad is the last of my parents or grandparents still ticking. Lost my mum years ago.

Knowing his luck he'll live to 100 and be as oblivious as ever.