Mental Health

[nuttinnew]

"Keep taking the meds"...until you run out because your lack of awareness of time meant you didn't realise it was a bank holiday and that the pharmacy would be shut...cold turkey bad tripping has been...interesting. Is it perverse to go for a wander through your mind exploring the differences the change in chemical influences brings? If diy scans were available I'd look at brain activity that way for sure.
Slightly ot, but still to do with the brain adapting and doing things different ways, I wonder what a midlife crisis nightmare is like? You know the normal way, something unseen is chasing you but no matter how much effort you put in you can't out run it? Does middle age spread and lower/less fitness lead to you sitting on a wall for a breather early on thinking *fook it, let it catch me" so the thing chasing can undoubtedly catch you, and if it does, does the mind require it to remain unseen so it uses another method to create fear and terror, or does the unseen become seen allowing you to recognize it and deal with it? My mind would probably allow me to see it, likely a "I've been trying to get in contact with you about your extended warranty" sort of thing. Anyway, that Emily Maitlis lecture...

[Beany]

We all still suitably potty?

I'm going through a nasty depressive spell at the moment.

Took a week off work a few weeks ago - first time in literally years - went to see an old mate, and (as I was in the area and it needed to be done) went to fix a colleagues computer (also I make her laugh without trying, so it was a fun time). That was fine.

Took a bit of time to catch back up at work - having not 'not worked' that long for a long time it took a bit for me to get my head back in the game.

Then last week, started off with something like norovirus (both end action, but not in a fun way) which physically cleared up by Thursday, but missing another week of work properly dropped my mood, which I'm well aware is irrational but hey ho.

Also, annoyingly, I told two people I was feeling really isolated (because I hadn't left the house all week) both of whom promised to call me at the weekend, neither who did; one is having some health problems herself so that's excusable, the other 'forgot' doesn't exactly encourage me to reach out to people, that doesn't, but I tell myself that it's not deliberate, etc; that's a dangerous rabbit hole to go down that I've gone down before.

Currently back at work and forcing myself to 'do stuff' which is....fine I guess? My general mood is still bloody low though. I think I'm crashing a bit after three months of solid, non-stop work before I took that week off, too (ISO27001, CyberEssentials, other big projects) - which I've used to distract myself from letting myself slide a bit; too busy to look after myself properly, etc etc, the usual depression-oriented schtick.

Might be time to go back on the SSRIs and attempt to get some stabilisation. Better a bit middling than swinging all over the place.

Anyway, mostly just writing this down to remind myself that it's definitely a thing that's happening, and it's not just all in my head, even though it is, of course, all in my head

Work are aware and are cool with it, they are well aware of my work history so they're keen not to repeat that - the MD remembers how....eccentric I was at interview/early in the job and is keen for me to stay chilled and keep on top of things, so that's a help.

[ZedLeg]

I'm feeling alright at the moment. Still on the meds but staying off the booze (with the help of a little weed). Finally got on the list for ADHD diagnosis, hopefully get something next year. My GP is treating it as a foregone conclusion tbh.

Work is stress at the moment but it always is this time of the year, prepping for the end of year festival of capitalism

I have been more upfront with my problems at work and they've been cool so far. Hopefully that will continue.

[dinny_g]

Sort of stalling in my Mental Health improvement...

I'm feeling OK and certainly well off the bad times but the focus of my last round of counselling was on working on the external factors that trigger negative thoughts. However, this has proved a lot harder that I thought, mainly down to several important people who's behaviours can trigger negative thoughts not being willing to change ( or deciding my explanation of the situation is Wrong and I should look on their behaviours in a different manner)

Some, I have cut our of my life but this is not really feasible with others. It's complicated.

So I'm contemplating another round of counselling with the focus more on accepting these things but not letting them impact me so much.

[ZedLeg]

Not suggesting divorce or anything but if you have family that's causing your mental health to suffer, I can't recommend fucking them off enough.

[Gavster]

We all still suitably potty?

I'm going through a nasty depressive spell at the moment.

Took a week off work a few weeks ago - first time in literally years - went to see an old mate, and (as I was in the area and it needed to be done) went to fix a colleagues computer (also I make her laugh without trying, so it was a fun time). That was fine.

Took a bit of time to catch back up at work - having not 'not worked' that long for a long time it took a bit for me to get my head back in the game.

Then last week, started off with something like norovirus (both end action, but not in a fun way) which physically cleared up by Thursday, but missing another week of work properly dropped my mood, which I'm well aware is irrational but hey ho.

Also, annoyingly, I told two people I was feeling really isolated (because I hadn't left the house all week) both of whom promised to call me at the weekend, neither who did; one is having some health problems herself so that's excusable, the other 'forgot' doesn't exactly encourage me to reach out to people, that doesn't, but I tell myself that it's not deliberate, etc; that's a dangerous rabbit hole to go down that I've gone down before.

Currently back at work and forcing myself to 'do stuff' which is....fine I guess? My general mood is still bloody low though. I think I'm crashing a bit after three months of solid, non-stop work before I took that week off, too (ISO27001, CyberEssentials, other big projects) - which I've used to distract myself from letting myself slide a bit; too busy to look after myself properly, etc etc, the usual depression-oriented schtick.

Might be time to go back on the SSRIs and attempt to get some stabilisation. Better a bit middling than swinging all over the place.

Anyway, mostly just writing this down to remind myself that it's definitely a thing that's happening, and it's not just all in my head, even though it is, of course, all in my head

Work are aware and are cool with it, they are well aware of my work history so they're keen not to repeat that - the MD remembers how....eccentric I was at interview/early in the job and is keen for me to stay chilled and keep on top of things, so that's a help.

Re: the time off work thing, I'm always amazed at how much my brain slows down when I take time off work. It usually takes a full week to get my brain back up to speed. I feel like a potato on my first few days back in front of a screen.

I've found that booze is a really insidious influence on mental health. A few nights out on the bevvies, or even a few drinks at home is great fun and a nice thing to do. However, when I have a period that I'm drinking alcohol, my mood will gradually lower over that period of time. Nowadays I save my boozing for when it's genuinely worth it, e.g. a big event, party or something really special.

Earlier this year I tried a mood tracking app, called Daylio. It was really useful to use a data-based approach to identify what does, and doesn't impact my mental health. I was really surprised to see that missing out on sleep didn't have much effect (unless it was persistent). Socialising had a really positive effect, although it's something that I often avoid and sometimes find awkward, it seemed to have a positive impact in the days afterwards.

Good luck with the ADHD @ZedLeg, my doc thought the same about me however was unable to get a referral on the NHS.

[ZedLeg]

It's taken about 4 years at this point. This time was the first time my doctor actually sat down and interviewed me about my constant twitching and poor impulse control before they sent the form off so fingers crossed.

[jamcg]

Then last week, started off with something like norovirus (both end action, but not in a fun way) which physically cleared up by Thursday, but missing another week of work properly dropped my mood, which I'm well aware is irrational but hey ho.

I’m not trying to undermine or trivialise how your feeling here, but don’t underestimate the physical and mental effects of an illness like norovirus- it’ll strip you of nutrients and leave you dehydrated to fuck, add in your immune system kicking in and it’s no surprise that it dropped your mood- if only recovering it was as easy as picking the bug up in the first place

Glad to hear you’re talking to people about it rather than sitting on it, even typing shit to a bunch of cunts on the internet is good. Get the meds if it’ll help, my wife is on them long term for anxiety and for her they’re an absolute godsend.

Hope you feel better soon

[Beany]

I find the anxiety is less of an issue these days, but the mood swings are annoying. Particularly as in my advanced years I'm self aware enough to understand when they're coming on, but powerless to stop them

I shaved my Beard of Sorrow a bit yesterday, that helped....!

[ZedLeg]

After saying I've been doing alright I've had a shocker today.

Had a meeting where people shouted at me because they didn't want me to do something I never said I was planning and then the warehouse manager who keeps trying to say I'm not doing my job in front of the directors started their shit again. Now I'm in a monumental spiral.

I'm going to finish early and start the sauce for tonight's spaghetti

[nuttinnew]

<update>

I'm glad you've caught it early, especially before the clocks change and have a chance to aggravate things. What @jamcg said about the noro' +1, it drains more life out of you than you realise and always takes at least twice as long to get back up than it did to get run down.

mainly down to several important people who's behaviours can trigger negative thoughts not being willing to change ( or deciding my explanation of the situation is Wrong and I should look on their behaviours in a different manner)

"What? I'm not doing anything wrong. It's you, you're the one that's ill/fcked in the head".
"Try and see it from my point view", "I can", "Well then...".
"(derisive snort) well I can't see how...".
"N0, it wasn't like that".

I wish I had some tried and tested advice to offer that would help ease those situations, you're probably already keeping an eye on and testing your perception and judgement to help keep you on track, if the roles were reversed would you be accused of gaslighting?

[dinny_g]

Yeah, there are 2 flavours of issue:

Flavour 1 - Mental Health issues are just bad planning.

"What's wrong..." like it's an easily definable problem
"Just make a plan to get past it and action it..." if it were that easy then there would be no such thing as mental health..
"Do you know what I'd do if I were you..." despite them not having a clue what I'm going throught
"This works for me so it should work for you...! despite us being fundamentally different people

I'm dealing with that by just not sharing as much which is a pity as he's my oldest friend. But I have to be constantly on guard not to let him in which can be exhausting...

Flavour 2 - My Mental Health issues far outweigh yours

So therefore, not matter what the impact on your mental health, I need you to do X, Y or Z in order to maintain mine.

It's like a Game of Top Trumps. Instead of us giving 75% of our efforts to theirs and 25% to mine, it's "Mine's worse than yours" so I get 100% of the effort and you get nothing...

Neither situation is easily escapable from...

[unzippy]

I'm going to finish early and start the sauce for tonight's spaghetti

When I was shit, cooking was such good thing. Absolute mood changer/relief/everything.

I now get paid to do something I used as therapy

[ZedLeg]

I spent about 45 mins watching onions melt and felt much better

[jamcg]

I spent about 45 mins watching onions melt and felt much better

Forum posts you can smell

[Gavster]

Anyway, insults aside, I've been doing a lot of reading into ADHD and ASD recently. I expect that a lot of you will relate I've always thought this place is an autistic self-help group. I've had a strong suspicion of being ADHD for around four years now, my GP agrees with me, however, he said that adult ADHD referrals are basically not a thing on the NHS, so that was a dead-end. Anyway, I've been getting on with life and obviously, the same shit always comes back. Then a chance comment about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) earlier this year triggered me to look further.

Damn! That's the one then literally tick all the boxes, and also show up as having a very high level of masking too (which explains why I'm good at performing on social media).

And then, to cap it all off, last night I was doing some clearing out and found my school reports from secondary school and they are basically my teachers describing ADHD; distracted, doesn't concentrate, disruptive, restless, inattentive, anxious etc. This was back in the 90s when ADHD was barely ever diagnosed in kids, so not surprised it wasn't flagged. I was just an under-performing student.

Anyway, I really need to get a proper assessment done on these - that's got to be a priority now. If anyone has any suggestions about the best way to get an assessment it'd be appreciated. Clinics seem to charge all kinds of rates and have a wide range of waiting times too.

It would also help to explain why literally a decade and counting of counselling, therapy, recovery and spiritual practices hasn't got to the bottom of this.

[240PP]

No direct experience of this but there was an interesting Panorama episode on private clinics and their diagnosis of ADHD - basically everyone who walks through the door gets a diagnosis and a prescription, which isn’t cheap and is for life so there’s a clear incentive for the private industry to over diagnose… They also tend to use psychologists rather than bona fide psychiatrists.

They did speak with an NHS psychiatrist who does carry out assessments on adults (with a more realistic diagnosis rate) but the waiting list is so long people just opt for private.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m ... cs-exposed

[ZedLeg]

I'm about 6 months into the estimated 18 month wait for an ADHD diagnosis.

I've realised over the last few years that my mental health always goes to shit at this time of year. I figure after some thought that it's a combination of bad weather, work and stressful family stuff. Now that I'm aware of it I'm trying to keep on top of it this year but it's been a trial

[Jimmy Choo]

I have a kickoff appointment for an ADHD diagnosis on Saturday.

[Jobbo]

Anyway, insults aside, I've been doing a lot of reading into ADHD and ASD recently. I expect that a lot of you will relate I've always thought this place is an autistic self-help group. I've had a strong suspicion of being ADHD for around four years now, my GP agrees with me, however, he said that adult ADHD referrals are basically not a thing on the NHS, so that was a dead-end. Anyway, I've been getting on with life and obviously, the same shit always comes back. Then a chance comment about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) earlier this year triggered me to look further.

Damn! That's the one then literally tick all the boxes, and also show up as having a very high level of masking too (which explains why I'm good at performing on social media).

And then, to cap it all off, last night I was doing some clearing out and found my school reports from secondary school and they are basically my teachers describing ADHD; distracted, doesn't concentrate, disruptive, restless, inattentive, anxious etc. This was back in the 90s when ADHD was barely ever diagnosed in kids, so not surprised it wasn't flagged. I was just an under-performing student.

Anyway, I really need to get a proper assessment done on these - that's got to be a priority now. If anyone has any suggestions about the best way to get an assessment it'd be appreciated. Clinics seem to charge all kinds of rates and have a wide range of waiting times too.

It would also help to explain why literally a decade and counting of counselling, therapy, recovery and spiritual practices hasn't got to the bottom of this.

Diagnosis of these things didn't exist when I was a kid and I'm sure the same is true for you, Gav, since you must be over 40.

The thing is, one of my stepsons from my first marriage was diagnosed with Aspergers. He was pretty mild - Nef has met him a few times and would be able to confirm. Other than his (normal state) school getting a bit of extra funding he got no benefit from the diagnosis - just a stigma. He still has to deal with life in exactly the same way as he would have without the label.

Which makes me wonder; if you get diagnosed with ASD or ADHD in your 40s, what does it actually do to help you? I guess you can be prescribed drugs to assist with ADHD as opposed to self-medicating; I have insufficient knowledge to say whether the latter is (more) harmful. My fear is that by having a diagnosis you end up pigeon-holed and perhaps stigmatised. I don't think it was a good thing for my stepson so I would query how beneficial it is generally.