Beany wrote: ↑
Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:39 pm
To be clear, I'm talking about 'going on holiday' not really appealing to me. Driving to the other end of the country and crashing on a mates couch for a few nights, pottering about and talking bollocks is something I can do.
That's close enough to a holiday for me
Forgive if I'm out of line here Beany.
I have no idea about your personal situation other than what I've picked up from your posts on here over many, many years and no other means of communication so fuck it.
Have you explored the notion that you may be suffering from something other than depression at all and if so to what extent?
I'm not suggesting that you are not depressed.
If it is it all plausible that you may be suffering now, in your adult years, due to lingering psychological damage due to adverse circumstances or harmful parental relationships as a child, then it would be well worth considering whether your untypical behaviour and seeming inability to take pleasure from life, may stem from the fact that your emotional responses (formed at a deep level in our early years) have adapted to cope with situations outside of the ordinary spectrum of things.
As I'm sure you're aware, it's very common for kids in challenging circumstances to learn to shut things out whilst trying their damnedest to project normality to others. Admirable behaviour I'd say but if you have to do it for long enough at an early age then the stats show that you are likely to be diagnosable with what is regarded as a form of childhood PTSD. Which is more harmful to ones happiness, by all accounts, than getting TEH BAD GAY DOG AIDS.
Of course, if you were to consider yourself as in all likelihood from suffering from such a malady then it wouldn't fucking change anything in itself at all would it?. No. But if you were to learn a little about how normal cunts REACT to regular things in a normal way and then compare that to how you do, in an honest fashion, then you may start to wonder a little about it and why that might be the case. And wondering about things never did anyone any harm.
It's possible for young kids to learn to live with fear to the extent that they don't even fucking realise it anymore. That dissociative behaviour whereby they close down their own emotional responses to external stimuli gets to be the default pattern of things. It suits the brain because it's a lazy fucker and the inevitable depression doesn't take a lot of effort to sustain. They can be stuck in fight/flight mode constantly and not even know it.
Fathers, mothers are there to nurture and guide and they really fuck it up sometimes. Few can claim to have had perfect parents and I'm not one of them. If they don't teach you how to love and enjoy life and your supermodel mensa member GF doesn't then you may have learn how to to do it for yourself. I only mention this as I'd be genuinely fucking amazed if you were the end product of a nurturing family situation. No offence at all intended.
You've probably already considered it anyway.
I wish you all the best you miserable cunt.
As for the OPs question?.
That's no holiday by my definition of the word
I can only guess that it's some form of self-flagellation due to having it too easy most of the time
Sadly, I have to spend a lot of time doing shit that I don't really want to do in order to pay the mortgage so I'm quite happy to shuffle around and stare at the sea for the odd week here and there.
Looking forward to doing just that shortly.