Now I really don’t want to upset anyone, least of all the toilet. It puts up with a lot. Subjected to the defecation of endless arseholes, pissed all over by the genitalia of both genders. It just quietly got on with things. Until now.
You see the poor crapper seems to have had enough. It never gets the thanks nor recognition it deserves. Its life is an endless toil of shifting other peoples soil and the blockage has tipped it over the edge.
It’s become sensitive to the point that it no longer wishes to acknowledge reality.
It has convinced itself that the large brown turd lodged in its u-bend is nothing other than a gift from the gods and is clutching onto it for all it’s worth.
Seems to believe that keeping this feacal matter inside it gives it something to anchor onto in this world with. Something tangible, a meaning, a marker in time, a cause a purpose. A physical manifestation of its long suspected victimhood and one that renders it unusable in service to others. Service it has long resented due to its harsh treatment and lack of respect shown.
I really want to point out that its just full of shit and would feel so much better if it just let me poke it with a stick without getting all sensitive about it. It probably just needs a break, a few clean flushes, bit of bleach under the rim in those hard to reach areas maybe. Get things moving again before being ready for new challenges.
However, due to now being part of the internet of things, my toilet is now readily communicating with other resentful turd-hugging china thrones and together they have formed their own exclusive clique and established recognised group victim status and invulnerability.
I have been informed that should I mention the obvious defecation in the loo again I shall be sued for defamation.
So I just have to put up with it sitting there, full of shit, and if I mention it then I'm the offensive one
