I don't know if I've done one of these before, but I guess they're a combo of being both interesting to others and slightly self therapeutic to yourself so fuck it, late as it is...
I saw in NY 2018 stood outside my girlfriend's apartment which she'd loaned me while going away for a month to Africa. Auckland's the first big city in the world to see NY in so there's a bit of pomp and ceremony about it and some shitty fireworks. I was there alone and got so drunk I threw up for the first time since my early 20s...
At that point I was 9 months into the legal battle with my ex over the house after we split. I was homeless and sleeping on couches, spending some time on the new GF's apartment (we'd been seeing one another for three months by the start of last year.) I was paying for a house I didn't live in and fighting to not lose every cent I had. I spent much of the first half of 2018 close to jumping in front of a bus while the legal battle continued, drinking heavily every night self medicating as it were. The new GF stood by my side through all this, and I think between that and a lot of prior experience keeping my own mental health on track are the main reasons I'm still here. Hat tip to a few former members of this here group who often used to pop up on Messenger in the middle of the night keeping me on the straight and narrow.
The case settled on Independence Day. That was the second time since my 20's I got so drunk I threw up, this time out of sheer relief.
The rest of the year has been about rebuilding I guess. I was offered a job in Australia which doubled my salary but meant either moving or only being in Auckland one weekend in four. Despite the relationship being under a year old I chose to put the chances of this new thing first and turned it down. A few weeks later she bought a new home on the waterfront here and asked me to move in with her and that's been going really well on the whole. She's different to anyone else I've been with, communicates her feelings and the degree to which she cares in very different ways to what I'm used to and that's been incredibly difficult to deal with, yet I think so far (16 months and counting) it's working. I have in the past obviously, found that the type of women who communicates like I was used to appear to come with next levels of trouble.
So I'm a work in progress, the relationship is stable and a work in progress and I have a house now living on the waterfront. I just had my first real holiday in two years and the time to reflect has confirmed to me my current job is sucking the life out me, so time for a change and searching will now start full steam ahead.
I bought a bike again, it's getting me out in the bike parks and reconnecting with one of my main hobbies of the past. I plan on pushing the cycling harder this year and getting my health in much better shape than it has been - my goal to be in better shape as I hit 40 in December than I have been for the past 11yrs since I've emigrated. I'm also hopeful to be able to buy a drum kit again this year and reconnect with another lost outlet for myself.
So yeah, feels pretty fucked to rebuilding from scratch at 39, especially after nearly two years of hell and homelessness. Really makes you define yourself as a total failure if you're not careful. But that said, it is rebuilding, so that's positive. If I can see out this year still stable, with a new job, some more income, more of the things I like doing around me and healthier I'll be a happy boy.
Oh and the car... 86 still going strong. I want a Hiace next to shift bikes around easily while being able to lock them up, can't afford it. I'm also eyeing a 911, but can't afford that either. But you gotta have goals...
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