RIP Tug. We never knew him, but this eulogy from a friend of mine is very moving.
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I've just been to look at a car. While I was there, I heard the mechanic and a regular customer talking about all the blokes they knew around their age who'd died recently.
"Cancer is a bastard, mun."
"It is."
I was putting on my serious face when the conversation took a turn.
"You know Tug's gone?"
"Shit, no."
"Mind you, it was sex that killed him."
"Well, he was a shagger."
I tried not to draw attention to my presence in case they changed the subject, but I needn't have worried.
"Several on the go at any one time."
I wondered how knobbing had claimed Tug. (Tug! This is a bit too on the nose.)
"He had that disease. You get it in your cock and it goes up to your brain."
Biting my lip so hard at this point, I drew blood.
"Syphilis?"
"No, I don't think that's it. Gonorrhoea? Anyway, that's what did for him."
"Sad."
Nothing in the preceding chat prepared me for the punchline.
"Fair play to him. He was still wanking in the hospital."
Tug. Still wanking on his deathbed. I guess we know how he got the name.
